Never Say Goodbye by Susan Lewis Read Free Book Online Page A

imagine how happy she’d feel if she could go downstairs and find her preparing breakfast in her usual way?
    ‘Morning Bel,’ she’d say, her tousled blonde hair flattened in a whorl at the crown of her head, her blue eyes sparkling with both mischief and empathy. ‘Are you OK? Did you sleep well?’
    ‘I think so,’ Bel would answer, ‘apart from a terrible dream in which one of us had to die and it ended up being you.
’
    Knowing Talia she’d find that funny, or accuse her of having drunk too much wine the night before, and minutes later it would be forgotten. The past three and a half years would be compressed into nothing; the shock, the fear, the loss of everything that mattered would never have happened.
    Why had death reached out for someone so young and passionate as Natalia? What possible good could ever come out of using cancer to take a mother from her small children? No more good than had been achieved by giving her and Talia the father they’d had.
    Talia had always been the quieter of the twins, the most thoughtful and probably the easiest to love. Their mother would have denied that, of course, but by the time it had occurred to Bel that Talia possessed qualities she didn’t have, their mother had no longer been with them. And she, Bel, was to blame for that.
    Since losing them both Bel had become a shadow, an inwardly tormented version of the woman she used to be, unless the children were with her. She loved it when they were around. Life felt worth living then, since they gave her a sense of purpose, a hope and desperately needed feeling that Talia was still close. She knew how selfish that was, that she shouldn’t put such a burden on their tender shoulders, but she was careful never to talk about their mother unless they asked her to, nor to let them know how wretched she felt every time their father came to take them home.
    Thankfully they only lived ten minutes away by car, and of course she was welcome to visit at any time. Even Kristina was at pains to assure her that the door was always open. Bel couldn’t help but admire her for that, since she wasn’t sure she’d be quite as generous in Kristina’s shoes. On the other hand, it clearly suited Kristina – and Nick – to have a devoted aunt on tap. It allowed them to travel at the drop of a hat, as Nick had done with Talia before the children came along. Bel would always be there, the children were safe and happy with her, so they could focus on raking up the past in far-flung corners of the globe while Bel tried to deal with today, and tomorrow.
    Feeling a horrible sinking sensation at the prospect of what her tomorrows might bring, she drew the duvet up over her head and closed her eyes.
    ‘I promise you,’ Nick had said just now, but whatever the promise was she knew it would never be the forgiveness she craved; nor the ability to undo what she had done, since it wasn’t in anyone’s power to change the past.

Chapter Three
    ‘ SO WHERE ARE you now?’ Jeff was asking.
    ‘Just leaving the caff,’ Josie replied, swapping her mobile to the other ear as she made her way along Kesterly’s busy seafront towards the bus stop. The wind was bitter this afternoon, whipping the waves up over the rocks, and tearing through the Christmas lights like some avenging fiend.
    ‘Then I’ll pick you up,’ he told her. ‘I’m just turning out of North Road, so I should see you any minute.’
    ‘No, don’t worry about me,’ she cried, probably too quickly. ‘I’ve got some shopping to do, and I promised Carly I’d meet her for a cup of tea at Yuri’s when I get off the bus.’ Since Yuri’s bakery was next to the cab office on Temple Fields high street, she had to hope that Jeff didn’t take it upon himself to drop in and surprise her. It might be a good idea to text Carly, the neighbourhood blabbermouth, to ask her for cover, except then she’d have to explain what she was really doing, and since she didn’t want Carly and the