Never Trust a Dead Man by Vivian Vande Velde Read Free Book Online Page A

tell us who did it."
    The bat that was Farold said, "I thought you called me here so that
you
could tell
me.
"
    "
What?
" Elswyth snapped.
    "You don't know who killed you?" Selwyn asked in horror.
    "I was asleep, you dumb twit. It was the middle of the night, and it was dark, and"—the bat beat at Selwyn's hand with its wings, as though forgetting that it
had
wings, and not hands—"if you had looked before starting all this, you would have seen that I was stabbed
in the back
."
    Selwyn rested his forehead on the palm of his hand.
    Elswyth threw down the bone, too disgusted even to hit him.
    "As much fun as this has been," Farold announced, "seeing you act the fool again, Selwyn, meeting the old witch here, I think I'm going back now. The afterlife makes a lot more sense than you do."
    "Wait!" Selwyn cried. Six years. He'd just given away six years of his life—to be insulted by Farold, hit by Elswyth, and end up no further ahead than he'd been when this had started. "But you
did
want to find out who murdered you. That's why you came back, you said."
    "For all I know, it could be you," Farold said.
    Elswyth gave a cry of exasperation. "What is it—something in the water that makes everyone in Penryth fools? Why would he have paid to bring you back if he was the one who killed you?"
    Farold didn't ask what he had paid. "I suppose," he agreed.
    "So the real murderer is free, and I've been blamed," Selwyn said. "And Bowden condemned me to die here in this cave with you."
    "I don't think Bowden is going to release you on my say," Farold said, flapping his bat wings. "He'll be convinced this is some kind of trick. Either that, or he'll have you up on charges of witchcraft."
    Selwyn didn't argue, because he was thinking how
bed
react if an accused murderer came bearing a talking bat that claimed to be the dead man. Instead, to show Farold there was benefit in this for him, too, he said, "But if you help me, maybe the two of us together can find out who did it, and you can rest easier in the afterlife."
    "I
was
resting easy," Farold grumbled, "until you disturbed me." But then he said, "All right, why not? Besides, I'd like to see Anora one more time."
    At the mention of Anora's name from those little bat lips, Selwyn felt ... he wasn't quite sure what. It wasn't a good feeling, whatever it was: a bubbling of jealousy, anger, guilt to be pleased that Farold was now, obviously, no longer competition.
    Elswyth smiled sweetly and took her revenge on Farold for his earlier unkind remark. She said, "Then I suppose it's a good thing you're in the body you're in. A three-day-old corpse makes such a poor first impression."
    "Ugly old witch," Farold repeated.
    Looking from Farold to Selwyn, Elswyth said, "The two of you deserve each other."

SEVEN
    Selwyn rewrapped Farold's corpse, Farold finding fault and nagging all the while, complaining, among other things, that Selwyn wasn't doing the job with a properly respectful attitude. It was hard to look respectful while fighting the urge to vomit. Selwyn resolved that henceforth he would try to avoid situations where he had to prepare a corpse while the corpse was in a position to criticize.
    He set the body—with its arms now folded properly across its chest—back into the wall niche, which he thought meant they would be ready to leave the cave.
    Apparently not.
    "What?" Farold demanded. "No prayer?"
    Elswyth sighed—loudly—but waited.
    Selwyn gave Farold what his uncle Derian had spoken at the cave mouth: "He was a good boy, with a lot of years ahead of him."
    "That's it?"
    Selwyn was ready to cope with annoyance. But Farold sounded so dejected, Selwyn didn't have the heart to point out that he'd done a fairly good imitation of Derian. Nor did he think it appropriate to say: "Here lies Farold. He wasn't as bad as a skunk dying under the porch." Instead, he said only, "It's distracting, with you standing there listening."
    "I'll be happy to help," Elswyth offered, "when we set you down