Nights Like This by Divya Sood Read Free Book Online Page B

the weight of such beauty is sometimes overwhelming. And although I yearned for such affection, it scared me. To mean that much to someone, to be her every dream, her desire, her deity was something I was quite sure I didn’t deserve. But love isn’t about deserving. Love is a haphazard thing that blows like the wind this way and that and then, having found a nook to nestle in, quiets down and beats in a heart full of haphazard hope.
    â€œSo stop fucking with her. Or let her go.”
    â€œI love her,” I said, “But…”
    â€œBut?”
    I wanted to tell Tiffany about my squatting stranger but I felt foolish. I didn’t even know her name. And what would I say anyway? I saw a girl in the park, bought a photograph and now I want to see her again. And what would come of such a dialogue? The more I replayed it in my mind, the more foolish the words felt, the more my heart cowered. So I kept quiet about my squatting photographer.
    â€œI could be faithful again, even after you,” I said.
    â€œBut just not to Anjali?”
    â€œI don’t know,” I said as I sipped again, “I just don’t know. Sometimes I love her so much I can’t imagine someone else. Sometimes I feel trapped and think there has to be someone out there for me. I don’t know what I feel.”
    â€œMaybe if you knew, you’d be a lot happier.”
    â€œIt’s complicated.”
    She said nothing.
    â€œNow what are you thinking?” I asked.
    â€œNothing.”
    â€œSeriously?”
    â€œJust thinking how complicated relationships are. Wondering if there’s an easy one out there.”
    â€œWell you have it simple, don’t you?”
    She laughed.
    â€œAm I missing something?” I asked.
    â€œIf you only knew, Jess.”
    I would never tell her but secretly, I wanted her relationship to fail, wanted retribution. I wanted her to miss me, to long for me, to want me because I wanted her to feel the same hurt that I felt when I caught her in our bed with another woman. Not even an attractive woman at that. I always waited for her to tell me that she had made a mistake. She never did.
    â€œI have to go, Tiff.”
    â€œWhy? I talk about my relationship and suddenly you have to go?”
    â€œNot something I want to discuss. For obvious reasons.”
    â€œOkay, I mean I can’t stop you. But just remember this conversation. What is it that you want? What are you doing to achieve it?”
    I laughed.
    â€œYou sound like one of those inspirational speakers.”
    â€œWhen everything boomerangs back your way, all the good and bad of it all, you’ll understand.”
    â€œDid it boomerang for you?”
    She sighed. Her eyes were resigned.
    â€œOne last toast,” she said softly.
    She raised her glass.
    â€œTo you, Jasbir Banerjee.”
    â€œThanks.” I said as I raised my glass to her and then swallowed the rest of my wine in a gulp. Then I got up and quietly, amid thoughts of faithfulness and Anjali, left to find my squatting stranger.
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Chapter Six
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    When I stepped outside, there was still light, but the sun was low in the sky. I thought of Tiffany with her hand in her hair, an almost imperceptible smile upon her lips. I stopped. Maybe I should have asked her about my nameless photographer. But then I almost knew she would tell me to stay away. But then I also knew that Tiffany, of all people, knew about falling in love away from love, the ways of a wayward heart. But I wasn’t in love. I couldn’t even explain the attraction. I thought again of my squatting stranger’s smile, uninhibited and unafraid. Instead of returning into the restaurant, I walked towards Central Park.
    I didn’t know why I was so fascinated with finding her again. Part of me thought it was because she was so elusive to me. But that wasn’t totally true. Anything a woman had worth chasing another woman would give me freely.