No Going Back by Erika Ashby Read Free Book Online Page B

she wouldn’t answer, but what I didn’t expect was some dude answering. It was quite interesting. I was instantly on high alert and defensive as if I had a reason to be. Turns out Todd was just the lucky new owner of Mallory’s old number. Good to know she now has a new one.
    It’s now two days later and I’m finally able to fully absorb what all took place. I fucking hate daddy dearest, but I’ve also got this sour taste in my mouth where my mother is concerned. I think a much needed call is due and some fucking questions need to be answered.
    It rings and rings until the voicemail picks up. Go fucking figure. She must already know about what took place the other day. I wouldn’t put it past the woman to avoid me like the damn plague. Normally I’d just hang up, but I think this time I’ll leave her a pleasant voicemail.
    “Hey mom. I take it you’re already aware that I know who my daddy is now. It’s finally all out in the open. Heaven fucking forbid you ever tell me yourself. Guess you’re all about keeping important fucking secrets from people, huh? Well, here’s a not so important secret for you to hold on to; don’t fucking ever call me again! I have nothing else to say to you. Thanks a lot.”
    I know that was no way to honor my mother, but how in the hell am I supposed to treat that woman with any sort of respect when my whole fucking life has been a lie? I respect her working her ass off to raise us, but dammit, she could have been at least honest with me. I throw my phone and watch it as it slams against the wall and quickly lands in broken pieces. I hate admitting that more than being pissed I’m fucking hurt. No one will ever know that though because I’m too proud to admit that shit. I can barely admit it to myself let alone others.
    Not having fucking Allison around allows me to dive into my music even more. All the drama is also plenty fuel for tons of song ideas that are constantly playing themselves in my head. Our bassist, Connor, has really stepped up to being a part of the creative process. I also have Derek dropping some beats to the songs I’m coming up with. We send back what we come up with on each end digitally. It’s working out quite well, even though I’d rather have my brother here with me and to really be a part of this with me. But I get it; he’s the family man now. I think I could be the family man type…just a bit altered.
    “Hey man, whatcha workin’ on?” Connor asks as he plops down beside me while we travel to our next destination.
    “It’s a song idea that’s been playing in my head the last few nights. I can’t seem to fucking shake it, so I sent Derek the idea for it to see what he thought.” Usually how the process works around here is I’ll record the acoustic with lyrics and send it to Derek. He then comes up with his own beat to it and sends it back to me mixed with what I sent him so we can get the full effect, and then Connor starts in on his bass… and then Voila! We have a new song. It’s actually fucking cool that it even works, but I promised Derek he could still be a part of this journey in his own way, and this is the only way — for now.
    “That sounds fucking bad ass man!” He gets up and walks to where his bass is sitting and comes back and tells me to start it back from the beginning. I also grab my guitar and see what we can come up with. We’re playing in Seattle tonight, which is fucking epic because so many iconic bands are from there. I can’t wait to explore before our show tonight and take it all in. That’s another thing I love about being on tour. It isn’t just playing music for me; it’s seeing places I wouldn’t get to see otherwise. I had never been out of Oklahoma until we went on our first tour. It’s awesome to experience it all, but it’s also important to have a place to call home. A place you know you can always go back to no matter what. It’s like your own personal safety net. I can’t wait to go back