Norway to Hide by Maddy Hunter Read Free Book Online Page B

to buy anything so stupid, do you?”
    In the blink of an eye, I watched one supremelyconfident transsexual shrink from six-foot-four to four-foot-six. “You didn’t like it?”
    “Where should I begin? With the insult to my intelligence or the cardboard characters? It was poorly written, cartoonish, and perverted. Not only is your mind in the gutter, your overuse of exclamation points and Batman sound effects is positively juvenile. I refuse to have my name connected with either you or your book.”
    “But I’ve already contacted my editor. She’s probably placing the book order even as we speak.”
    “That’s not my problem.”
    “It is so your problem. We had an understanding!”
    “It was my understanding that your novel was readable. It isn’t.” Portia glanced up and down the table. “Did anyone else make the mistake of opening up her book last night?”
    “Vern, Gus, and Reno did,” I piped up. “They loved it.” I encouraged the men with a nod. “Tell everyone what you told me.”
    Gus massaged his beard, looking as if he wished he were somewhere else. “I give her an A for effort, but Portia’s right. It’s nothing more than sensationalized tripe.”
    “A bad soap opera,” Reno agreed.
    “Complete nonsense,” Vern snorted, “and like Portia said, way too many exclamation points. I like periods myself. They’re solid. Manly.”
    I stared at them, aghast. “You adored Jackie’s book! You told me yourselves.”
    “You obviously misinterpreted what they said,” Portia accused.
    “Really? How would you interpret ‘I hope Jackie’s working on a sequel,’ and ‘I’d read the next installment’?”
    “I hope you’re not always this naive, Emily. They probably want to have sex with her.”
    “I wouldn’t mind starting the book,” said Lauretta Klick, “but finishing could be a big problem. There’s just not enough time left for me to get through the whole thing. I’d be really bummed out if I had to spend Eternity not knowing how the story ends.”
    “There she goes again,” June Peabody whined. “Spreading gloom and doom with her end-of-the-world scenario, trying to convince everyone it’s curtains. Listen to me, Lauretta, if you and Curtis ruin another holiday for us, I’ll start a petition to make sure that you’re never allowed to sign up for another one.”
    “Knock yourself out,” Curtis shot back. “Maybe you didn’t get the message: there’s never gonna be another one.”
    “Hush up,” Portia chided the Klicks. “I’ve told you what would happen if people started popping antidepressants because of you. I’m giving you fair warning: you’re teetering on the brink.”
    “You don’t scare us,” Lauretta said defiantly. “Not anymore.”
    “She scares me,” cried Jackie. “I’ve never known anyone to enjoy trashing someone else’s work so much—other than New York theater critics. Mean-spirited witch. Didn’t your mother teach you that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say it at all?” Shewas six-feet-four again, and cranky. “I want my book back.”
    “Sorry. I performed a good deed before I left the hotel this morning. I threw it in the wastebasket to spare the next poor schmuck from having to read it.”
    “You threw my book in the trash?”
    Portia shrugged. “It’s exactly where it belongs.”
    Jackie puffed up with so much hot air that she looked like an inflatable sex toy. “Even with my author’s discount, that book set me back fifteen bucks! Do I look like I’m made of money? You are so going to regret doing that.”
    “Don’t you dare threaten me.”
    “It’s not a threat.” Jackie’s eyes narrowed to vengeful slits. “It’s a promise.”
    “MAN OVERBOARD!” an elderly voice yelled from dockside. “HELP! SOMEBODY HELP!”
    I shot a look toward the water. “One of yours?” Jackie asked me.
    “Not mine,” I said with a surfeit of confidence, unable to see through the crowd. “I conducted a seminar on ocean