Not Your Mother's Rules: The New Secrets for Dating by Ellen Fein, Sherrie Schneider Read Free Book Online

more. David said hey back and bought her a drink. They talked for two hours and “had insane chemistry.” They liked the same music (Coldplay), food (sushi), vacation spot (Bermuda), sport (basketball), and TV shows (
Mad Men
and
Law & Order
). They “even held hands for a few minutes” before saying good-bye. She felt chills going up and down her spine. This guy could be The One! They exchanged numbers and he said he would call her.
    The next day he texted her, “Nice meeting you. Just moved into a great one-bedroom. What do you think of coming over one night? I’ll cook.” Abby wrote back two minutes later, “Sure, when?” David wrote back two minutes later, “Busy with new job, will get back to you” and then he didn’t write back for a week. When he wrote next it was late at night from work. Abby’s best non-
Rules
friend suggested she ask him how his job was going. She told her, “If he’s so busy with hisnew job, it will be nice of you to ask.” So Abby texted him, “Is your new job really stressful?” and he wrote back, “Yes, thanks for asking,” but never followed through on his invite.
    Abby contacted us, confused about why David dropped the ball. She toyed with the idea of sending him another friendly text, but decided to e-mail us instead. She didn’t understand why he would suggest getting together and not follow through, especially when she had been so nurturing. She was sure that she had found her perfect soul mate and couldn’t figure out what went wrong.
    We carefully went over the whole evening and explained that he may have been her exact look and personality type, but apparently she was not his. If she had been, he would have walked over to
her
, spoken to her first, and followed up with a real date. Because she spoke to him first, she created an interaction that may never have happened, and because
she
kept it going, she was completely baffled as to why he was not more responsive. But we aren’t! The reason you shouldn’t speak to a guy first is to find out what he will do on his own. If a guy doesn’t make the first move, he doesn’t make other things happen either, like texts and calls and actual dates. A guy you speak to first will let the ball drop because he never wanted that ball to begin with—he was just being polite or was flattered. Playing by this
Rule
, you get to see if he would have approached you, a short brunette, the tall blonde across the room, or no one at all because he has a girlfriend and just wanted to have a drink. Abby was crushed to hear the truth, but she conceded that we were right and that’s why David had disappeared into thin air. And by the way, she never heard from him again.
    Perhaps you’re thinking, “Of course I would never speak to a guy first like Abby did—or even call a guy because that seems aggressive—but texting is different. Everyone texts these days.” We get it and you can totally text a guy back, as you’ll see in
Rule #3
, but you cannot text a guy
first.
    Fool Yourself If You Must
    Sure, you
think
you won’t text a guy, but when you’re feeling lonely on a Friday night and there’s a Katherine Heigl rom-com playing on TBS, we know the temptation can be a little too much to resist. To fight the urge you get every time you scroll past his number in your contacts list, we suggest a simple fix: change his name. It might be hard to stop yourself from sending a flirty message to “Jake” or “Ethan,” but it’s much easier to bypass “DON’T DO IT!” or “HE’LL THINK YOU’RE CLINGY!” If this tactic still doesn’t do the trick—which it might not on those nights when you’re feeling especially eager—then delete his number from your phone. The temptation will be gone altogether, and your cool and casual reputation will remain intact. Another option is to find something positive to keep you busy and distract you. Go to the gym, give yourself a mani/pedi, or call up a friend and get out of the house! Sometimes