o 3852bd5b2f216136 by Unknown Read Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Unknown
clammy with sweat. You smell.
It is 11:21, and you have spent the entire night CLEANING.
Why did you bother coming home?
WHAT A DISGUSTING MESS this place is! Cigarette butts in the toilet tank. Fungus growing under the fridge. Chewing gum on the kitchen floor. A rock in the stove that looks like it was once a hamburger.
Clothes you forget you even owned. Clothes that were once Ted’s but have been lying around so long they probably fit you. Clothes that don’t belong to anyone you know and you don’t know what they’re doing here. You don’t WANT to know.
HOW DID IT GET THIS BAD? You were HERE the whole time. Didn’t you notice?
You did notice. You just didn’t care. Because it was just the way things were. Life with Ted and Ducky.
It hit you tonight, though. You opened the door, and — WHAM — the stench hit you.
Your house SMELLS.
It’s like a combination locker room, laundry hamper, and Dumpster from the back of a
restaurant.
And up until then, you’d felt so good. Driving into the hills was relaxing. And the meal at Sunny’s — you’d forgotten how much fun it could be to just sit around eating and talking.
It’s such normal stuff. But it’s stuff you haven’t done in months. Since Mom and Dad left.
Which is so weird because you never think life is so great when they’re here — and maybe it isn’t, but it sure feels better than it does now.
For one thing, when they’re here, it feels like you live in a HOME.
You look forward to coming back to a HOME. A HOME doesn’t stink.
SUNNY has a home.
You have a HOLE.
She has a FAMILY.
You have a
What? What do you have?
What are Ted and you?
It’s like, when Mom and Dad leave, you say: Okay, family’s over for awhile [sic]. Suspended animation. Don’t do anything until they come back.
You and Ted don’t talk to each other much. You don’t do ANYTHING much. You just come home, sleep, go to school. Like you’re waiting for someone to tell you what else to do.
Someone to tell you how to act. Like you’re both paralyzed.
So how ARE you supposed to act? It’s not like you can buy a book about this. There’s no Homemaking Guide for Virtual Orphans.
So you cleaned.
The house still looks disgusting. But it’s a start.
Maybe you’ll talk to Ted about this tomorrow.
Maybe not. You don’t need another argument.
What
Have
You
Done?
You couldn’t have kept your mouth shut?
You had to tell JAY, of all people, about your housecleaning? You had to paint this picture of yourself flitting from room to room, picking up old underwear, putting on an apron like Suzy Homemaker to do a stack of dishes that was almost glued together with dried food?
You didn’t ASSUME he was going to tell everybody in school? That this would NOT help your reputation at all?
Duh.
NOW what?
Now Jay is coming over after school to HELP you. And he’s bringing Lisa, a broom, and a can of Lysol.
And … Bud.
Bud the Cro Mag.
Why?
You don’t know why. Jay secretly hates you, you guess.
Jay insisted that Bud is OK. Which you accepted. You said FINE — but WHY ON EARTH
MAKE HIM COME TO YOUR HOUSE TO CLEAN UP, OF ALL RIDICULOUS THINGS? —
and Jay insisted that he was talking to Bud the other day, and JUST CASUALLY in conversation your name came up, and Bud said he FELT BAD about the way their pals treat you, and so Jay said, okay, if you want to do something about it, let’s help my buddy Duckster clean his trashed house, and Bud was psyched about it.
DOES THIS MAKE SENSE?
No, it doesn’t.
WHY was he psyched? Does he want to do research? Take photos? Infiltrate the house of Ducky and report to the Cro Mags, so they can humiliate you EVEN MORE?
And what’s worse, YOU COULDN’T SAY NO. You tried, but Jay just railroaded you. He
insisted that he was trying to help.
And you know what happens when Jay “helps.”
McCrae, your days are numbered.
The Great McCrae
Cleanup
You’re home alone, after school. You’re in a blind panic.
You
It is 11:21, and you have spent the entire night CLEANING.
Why did you bother coming home?
WHAT A DISGUSTING MESS this place is! Cigarette butts in the toilet tank. Fungus growing under the fridge. Chewing gum on the kitchen floor. A rock in the stove that looks like it was once a hamburger.
Clothes you forget you even owned. Clothes that were once Ted’s but have been lying around so long they probably fit you. Clothes that don’t belong to anyone you know and you don’t know what they’re doing here. You don’t WANT to know.
HOW DID IT GET THIS BAD? You were HERE the whole time. Didn’t you notice?
You did notice. You just didn’t care. Because it was just the way things were. Life with Ted and Ducky.
It hit you tonight, though. You opened the door, and — WHAM — the stench hit you.
Your house SMELLS.
It’s like a combination locker room, laundry hamper, and Dumpster from the back of a
restaurant.
And up until then, you’d felt so good. Driving into the hills was relaxing. And the meal at Sunny’s — you’d forgotten how much fun it could be to just sit around eating and talking.
It’s such normal stuff. But it’s stuff you haven’t done in months. Since Mom and Dad left.
Which is so weird because you never think life is so great when they’re here — and maybe it isn’t, but it sure feels better than it does now.
For one thing, when they’re here, it feels like you live in a HOME.
You look forward to coming back to a HOME. A HOME doesn’t stink.
SUNNY has a home.
You have a HOLE.
She has a FAMILY.
You have a
What? What do you have?
What are Ted and you?
It’s like, when Mom and Dad leave, you say: Okay, family’s over for awhile [sic]. Suspended animation. Don’t do anything until they come back.
You and Ted don’t talk to each other much. You don’t do ANYTHING much. You just come home, sleep, go to school. Like you’re waiting for someone to tell you what else to do.
Someone to tell you how to act. Like you’re both paralyzed.
So how ARE you supposed to act? It’s not like you can buy a book about this. There’s no Homemaking Guide for Virtual Orphans.
So you cleaned.
The house still looks disgusting. But it’s a start.
Maybe you’ll talk to Ted about this tomorrow.
Maybe not. You don’t need another argument.
What
Have
You
Done?
You couldn’t have kept your mouth shut?
You had to tell JAY, of all people, about your housecleaning? You had to paint this picture of yourself flitting from room to room, picking up old underwear, putting on an apron like Suzy Homemaker to do a stack of dishes that was almost glued together with dried food?
You didn’t ASSUME he was going to tell everybody in school? That this would NOT help your reputation at all?
Duh.
NOW what?
Now Jay is coming over after school to HELP you. And he’s bringing Lisa, a broom, and a can of Lysol.
And … Bud.
Bud the Cro Mag.
Why?
You don’t know why. Jay secretly hates you, you guess.
Jay insisted that Bud is OK. Which you accepted. You said FINE — but WHY ON EARTH
MAKE HIM COME TO YOUR HOUSE TO CLEAN UP, OF ALL RIDICULOUS THINGS? —
and Jay insisted that he was talking to Bud the other day, and JUST CASUALLY in conversation your name came up, and Bud said he FELT BAD about the way their pals treat you, and so Jay said, okay, if you want to do something about it, let’s help my buddy Duckster clean his trashed house, and Bud was psyched about it.
DOES THIS MAKE SENSE?
No, it doesn’t.
WHY was he psyched? Does he want to do research? Take photos? Infiltrate the house of Ducky and report to the Cro Mags, so they can humiliate you EVEN MORE?
And what’s worse, YOU COULDN’T SAY NO. You tried, but Jay just railroaded you. He
insisted that he was trying to help.
And you know what happens when Jay “helps.”
McCrae, your days are numbered.
The Great McCrae
Cleanup
You’re home alone, after school. You’re in a blind panic.
You
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