bit of a leaner cutâthereâs no flare like in a bootcut. They just basically cut a big square out for your leg. Straight-leg jeans work for just about everyone. I donât ever want to see denim thatâs pegged. That worked in the eighties, when you tight rolled the hem of your jeans and cuffed it three times to wear with your Coca-Cola ruby shirt, Reeboks and Swatch watch. It might still be all the rage in Uzbekistan, but not so much here anymore
What Should a Good Pair of Jeans Do for You?
1. They should fit and flatter.
2. They should feel like youâve worn them forever.
3. They should make you feel at your most comfortable.
4. They should give you a nice basket, even if itâs not Easter.
5. They should make you look and feel sexy.
6. They should go with just about everything else in your wardrobe.
7. They should get you laid. Oh, come on. Stop pretending to be shocked.
The flasher might say âlow riseâ or âmedium rise.â Letâs hope they never make a high rise. I recommend medium rise. We donât want to see your happy trail. As sexy as it may have looked in the International Male catalog, trust me, itâs not a good look for you. And donât get me started on the other side, where we see ass crack. Thereâs a reason Whitney said, âCrack is whack.â Crack kills, people, and it will kill your look.
A WORD OF CAUTION: Low-slung jeans worn gangsta style make you look like you have a load in your pants. Letâs leave that to our friends in the rap community, shall we? How do you know if youâve gone too low? Well, if you can see your underwear or your pubic hair (and your name is not Britney or Christina), your low riders are too low. If the end of your fly zipper is at your knees, thatâs also a good sign your jeans are too loose. Thatâs okay for the artist formerly known as Lilâ Bow Wow, but not for you.
Roughwear Pants
Despite your dirty fantasies, roughwear pants are just more rugged, outdoorsy pants for weekend wear. They include things like cargo pants and paintersâ pantsâanything with a utility or workwear heritage. They pay homage to the blue-collar laborer who made this land of ours so great. And they look as hot today as they did when the WPA Act was introduced. Thank you, President Roosevelt! Roughwear pants are rugged, theyâre meant to take a licking, and there are so many options out there. One pair of pants I love, although theyâre no longer readily available, are the Alcatraz pants by G-Star, which are prison-inspired and super cool. Totally hot in an Oz kind of way.
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Roughwear pants are generally reserved for outdoor activities like football games, weekend projects, trips to the Home Depot, and the gay rugby national championships. Theyâre meant to be worn with a rugged boot or a bulky fisherman sweater or a barn jacket. Theyâre mostly for winter wear. Who wants to be running around in cargo pants in the heat of the summer?
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A WORD ABOUT CARGO PANTS: Cargo pants are a fun fashion statement that have pretty much become a staple. I think theyâre here to stay, so you can feel pretty safe buying a pair. (I had a phase where I wore leather cargos and looked like I worked at Old Navy Germany. But ich digress.)
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I know there is at least one suburban dad somewhere reading this whoâs thinking that cargo pants are way too âout thereâ for him. You have to get beyond that. Iâm here for you. Cargos can add a sense of youthfulness to your lookâas long as they fit well and donât have too many pockets. I would caution everyone to use them sparingly, though. If you can move the entire contents of your home or apartment just by putting things in your cargo pants, they probably have too many pockets. We have homes. We have offices. We donât need to load our cargos up with all of our lifeâs possessions. If you donât have a home or an
Tom Clancy, Steve Pieczenik, Jeff Rovin