Once a Rebel by Sheri Whitefeather Read Free Book Online Page B

gave her a point-blank stare. “Why? Is it some sort of crime for me to sleep with petite blondes?”
    â€œSo we do look alike.”
    â€œNot enough to mix you up. And I didn’t even recognize you when I first saw you.”
    Which meant that Amber looked more like the way she used to look. Longer hair, darker makeup, sexier clothes. “It could be a Freudian crime.”
    He broke into a smile. “Then you should cure me. Take me to bed or something.”
    â€œNice try.” She smiled, too, but her pulse was tripping like an acid-dropping hippie. Even the flame on the candle was jumping.
    The waitress came by to take their food order. Suddenly Susan was glad the other woman was a brunette. It was foolish to feel that way, but she couldn’t help it. She was getting territorial about Ethan.
    By the time their meals arrived, she almost convinced herself that she should sleep with him. Almost. But somewhere in the recesses of her brain, she knew an affair would do spongy things to her heart. In spite of her teenage track record, sex had never been casual. For Susan, it came with a price. An emotional price, where attachments were formed, where she needed her partners to care, even the boys who’d passed her around like candy.
    She watched Ethan attack his combination platter. Hemixed up his food, the chili rellenos and tamales that sat beside hearty helpings of rice and beans.
    â€œWhy didn’t you kiss me when we were young?” she asked, her thoughts mired in the past. “I knew you wanted to. I could feel it every time we were together.”
    He nearly dropped his fork. “What kind of question is that?”
    â€œAn honest one.”
    â€œI didn’t want to hurt you. To become part of your pain.”
    â€œBut the way you looked at me gave me false hope.”
    â€œOkay, fine.” He frowned, steadied his fork. “You want the whole truth? I wanted to heal you, to sweep you into my world and make you mine. But the idea of losing you scared me. I knew you wouldn’t stay in Texas.”
    Her breath went still; her mind went into its Ph.D. mode. “Who abandoned you, Ethan? Who was I representing?”
    â€œNo one. Christ Almighty.” He cursed under his breath, then looked up, apologizing, it seemed, to the Man above. “Does everything we do have to be dissected? Analyzed? Chewed up and spit out?”
    Guilty as charged, she thought.
    â€œBesides,” he went on, “now that we’re older, I’ve been chasing you like a rutting bull. I think that makes us even.”
    She looked into his eyes and saw his pain, the rejection she was causing. “I’m sorry. But now it’s my turn to be afraid. To be wary of an attachment.”
    â€œMaybe I can teach you how to get over it.” He gaveher a gentle smile. “Some things aren’t meant to last. Sometimes we have to take life as it comes.”
    He was right. But he was wrong, too. Sometimes people had to protect their hearts. “I don’t have affairs anymore. Not without some sort of commitment.”
    â€œDoes it have to be a long-term commitment?”
    â€œI like to hope it does. My last two relationships lasted for quite a few years. They didn’t work out, but at least I tried.”
    He lifted his water and took a swig. “Mine never last. But I’m not saying that I won’t make a long-term commitment. That it won’t ever happen.”
    She nodded, recalling that he wanted a wife and children someday. “Maybe you’re not as detached as you seem.”
    â€œDetached? I’m falling at your feet, woman.”
    â€œBecause you want sex.”
    â€œI settled for friendship, didn’t I?”
    â€œYes, you did.” And he was turning into a darn good friend, someone she was able to confide in.
    â€œDo you want to talk about Cathy?” he asked. “Dissect her for a while?”
    â€œAnd take the pressure