Once More With Footnotes by Terry Pratchett Read Free Book Online Page B

greatest joy; the traveller promis e d to open up his house for them, and one of the men volunteered to go back alone to the coach to fetch the rest of the party. For it seemed to all, in those last few moments of hope, that Almighty Providence had foreseen their fate upon the bitter road an d had opened a gateway into the warm heart of the greatest city in the world ...
     
                  It was then that they noticed a party of anxious people clustered near the rectangle, and the coachman saw with a falling heart that it too was rim'd with the glittering plat es. This party, composed both of men and women, were bearing lanterns, and, after some hesitation, approached the coachman.
     
                  The man who had a house nearby gave a cry of recognition and embraced the stranger, claiming to know him as a neighbour, and then recoiled at the dreadful expression on his face. It was clear that here was another victim of a similar fate.
     
                  After some refreshment from the Oxford scholar the newcomer explained that he had, with a party of friends, gone out carol singing. All had been well until, an hour before, there had been an eerie creaking and shifting of shadows, and now they were somehow in a world that was not of the world.
     
                  "But — there is a street, and lighted windows," said the London man. "Is that not the Old Curiosity Shop, so ably run by Mrs. Nugent?"
     
                  "Then it is more than decently curious, because the doors do not open, and there is nothing beyond the windows but dull yellow light," said the carol singer. "What were houses, my friend, are now nothing but a flat lifelessn ess."
     
                  "But there are other streets — my home, not a hundred yards away ..."
     
                  The carol singer's face was pale. "At the end of the street," he said, "is nothing but white cardboard."
     
                  Their companion gave a terrified scream, climbed into the frame, and wa s soon lost to view. After a few seconds they heard his scream, which the coachman screamed to me, also:
     
     
    "May This Day Bring You, Every Year/
    Joy And Warmth And All Good Cheer!"
     
    -
     
Menacing Banality
     
                  Several of the ladies in the carol singers' party w ere quite hysterical at this point and insisted on joining the company. Thus, after much heated debate it was resolved to return to the mail coach and, with considerable difficulty, snow and luggage and the glitter were piled against the frame sufficient t o allow it to be manhandled down on to the plain.
     
                  At this point the coachman's tale becomes quite incoherent. It would seem that they set out to seek yet another entrance to the real world, and found for the first time that the strange windows had an obv erse side. If I can understand his ravings, they seemed to be vast white squares in the sky on which some agency had written lengthy slogans of incredible yet menacing banality, whose discovery had so unhinged the London gentleman.
     
                  I can hear the coachma n's mad giggling even now: "I have come a long, long way/To bring you Joy this Christmas Day!" and he would bang his head on the wall again, in time to what I may, in the loosest sense, call the rhythm of the phrase.
     
                  Then he would drum his heels on the fl oor.
     
                  "Merry Xmas to All at No. 27!" he would scream, "From Tony, Pat, and the kids. Remember Majorca?"
     
                  And, "Get lots of crackling this Christmas!" This last one seemed particularly to affect his brain, and I cannot but wonder what the poor man must ha ve seen. "Merry X-mas from Your Little Willy!!!" and it was at this point that I had to get the gardener to come in and help me restrain him, in the apprehension that he would