Only in My Arms by Jo Goodman Read Free Book Online Page A

to twist your phrasing, you're being thoughtless."
    "Mama," Mary entreated, breaking in. "I did pray. This wasn't a decision quickly come to."
    Moira shook her head. "I don't believe it."
    "I can't be responsible for what you believe," Mary said tonelessly. "But it's the truth that I've been struggling to just this point for years."
    "Years?" Jay Mac asked, surprised himself. "Mary, you've never let on, never told anyone."
    The corners of Moira's eyes creased deeply and she gave Mary a narrow glance. "Not your sisters? Did you tell them and swear them to secrecy?"
    "No. I didn't do that. I told them today, by individual letter. I wouldn't mock you and Jay Mac by sharing with them and not with you. If any of the Marys suspect it would be Maggie and Skye, and that's only because they've been close to home until recently. They saw me more often, and perhaps there were hints that I didn't know I was giving."
    Moira was not mollified, but she didn't comment.
    "Mama, what would I have said?" Mary went on. "And when would I have said it? My decision's made now, and I can hardly find the right words to explain. Most of the time the conflict is grappling with uncertainty. One hardly knows whether to reach for a light or snuff one out. When I went to our summer home in July, it was to be alone with my thoughts and my prayers and find answers to the questions I could hardly express." She paused and reached forward to touch her mother's arm, stopping short of Moira's satin sleeve when her mother did not lean into her. Mary's hand hovered for a moment before she withdrew it. "Can you understand any of this, Mama?" When Moira didn't answer, Mary looked helplessly to her father.
    "It's a lot for her to accept," he said quietly. "There's been no warning. It's a shock, I confess, even to me."
    Mary nodded. It had gone as badly as she had feared, and her world seemed shifted for it. The only thing that hadn't been changed was her mind. "Perhaps it would be better if I didn't spend the night here."
    "Don't be absurd," Jay Mac said brusquely. "Of course you'll stay here. This is still your home. God knows your room hasn't been changed in thirteen years, and it's certainly ready for you now." He looked sideways at Moira. "Almost as if someone's been expecting you."
    "I wouldn't put that construction on it," Mary said, coming to her feet. In spite of her best intentions her tone was caustic. "It's more likely that Mama wanted to remind herself of the sacrifice she made."
    "Sacrifice?" asked Jay Mac.
    Moira stared at her oldest daughter. "What sacrifice?"
    Before Mary could help herself she said, "Me, Mama. I'm the sacrifice. You offered me up to the Church to atone for your sins."
    Jay Mac stayed Moira's hand, keeping her from striking Mary. "I think you'd better go to your room, Mary. Enough's been said here this evening."
    For once Mary Francis Dennehy had no argument with her father.
    * * *
    Fort Union, Arizona Territory
    The ball was in full swing. The officers' wives wore a brilliant array of colors, taking this occasion to show off their finest gowns from back East, or at least something they'd been able to order from San Francisco. The fabrics were satin and silk and taffeta, and their hues covered the spectrum. The wives looked especially bright against the solid blue dress uniforms of their husbands. Gold braid, white gloves, and polished black boots, all of it so distinguished on the parade ground, was now a mere background complement to a dizzying display of crimson and sapphire, emerald and jade.
    Not every officer had a wife, and not every woman at the ball was married. Several of the women were mere girls, still fresh-faced from the schoolroom. Others were in their early twenties and of a single mind to leave the arid drabness of Fort Union. They were the daughters of commissioned and noncommissioned officers alike, and their dance cards were eagerly sought by the eligible bachelors. It would have been unthinkable to allow any one of