Out of Breath by Rebecca Donovan Read Free Book Online Page A

behind us as we slipped though the front doors.
    Serena liked to arrive early to watch the last-minute bustling as the club prepared for the show. She also wanted to see James before he had to take his post in front of the stage.
    He found us at our usual spot, seated on the crushedvelvet couch on the second level. He sat between us and leaned into the crook of Serena’s arm after he kissed her hello.
    ‘James, will you let Emma stage dive tonight?’ Serena asked, stroking his smooth-shaven head affectionately.
    ‘You really want to stage dive?’ he asked me with a sceptical crooked grin. ‘Girls usually get groped when they do that. It’s not pretty. And then I may have to fuck the douchebags up.’
    ‘Maybe not then,’ I replied. Desperate to try anything that would allow me to breathe again, I hadn’t considered the groping part of stage diving. I figured adrenaline was a better choice than alcohol. If I couldn’t be numb, I could at least get my heart pumping to temporarily dull the pain. But having strangers fondle me didn’t sound very appealing. I slumped back into the couch.
    ‘What if she falls backwards?’ Serena suggested. I jerked my head up at this option.
    ‘You can try. Not many people do that because they can’t see who’s going to catch them, and it’s a trust issue. Your ass will definitely be grabbed no matter what. Why don’t you crowd-surf so you don’t have to fall?’
    I considered it, but knew that wouldn’t be the same. ‘I need to fall,’ I explained. ‘And I can live with the ass-grabbing.’
    James wrinkled his forehead in confusion. ‘Why do you want to do it?’
    ‘Because I can’t breathe,’ I stated flatly. Their eyes steadied on me.
    James released a laugh, shaking his head. ‘I don’t get you. Is that why you don’t go out with guys, because you’re –’
    ‘James!’ Serena scolded, smacking the back of his head with the palm of her hand.
    ‘I didn’t mean it like that,’ he said defensively. ‘She’s just … different, that’s all. It’s not a bad thing.’ He turned towards me. ‘You know I think you’re cool. But I still don’t get you.’ Serena eyes tightened at his honesty.
    ‘It’s okay,’ I replied, unaffected. ‘I don’t get me either.’ James grinned.
    ‘They’re about to let in the masses,’ he reported, his hand covering his earpiece so he could hear better. ‘I need to go. I’ll see you after the show.’ He kissed Serena and walked off towards his post.
    ‘Are you really going to fall backwards off the stage?’ Serena questioned, her dark eyes scanning mine.
    I looked away. ‘Yeah.’ My heart skipped a beat at the thought of it, countering the pain for a split second. I
needed
to do this, to feel something, anything else.
    ‘Maybe we should do a few shots,’ she suggested. ‘That way if you hit the floor you won’t feel it.’ She left and approached the bar along the side wall, talked to the girls attending it for a few minutes, and returned with two brimming shot glasses rimmed with sugar and two lemon wedges.
    I hadn’t
planned
on drinking. But in order to get up on that stage –
    ‘To breathing!’ Serena raised her shot glass to mine. My chest tightened with her words. I clicked her glass and threw back the shot, swallowing it as I’d seen done so many times in my life. I coughed in protest, and my body shuddered. The lemon did a little to cut the distinct vodka bite. My stomach ignited as the alcohol seeped into its walls.
    ‘Didn’t love that,’ I admitted, puckering my lips at the sourness of the lemon.
    ‘It gets easier,’ she promised, smiling softly. I had a feeling she wasn’t talking about the shot. ‘Let’s find a good spot in front of the stage before it gets too crowded.’ She leapt up from the couch and pulled me after her.
    Serena fed me a few more shots as we listened to the opening act. I kept thinking I was fine, that the alcohol wasn’t really taking effect. But I honestly