Out of Order by Casey Lawrence Read Free Book Online Page A

through the nose, out through the mouth—my eyes closed and my throat filling with bile at the thought of Ricky’s lungs, quiet of their usual whistle and rasp.
    I was poked and prodded, lights shined in my eyes and blood pressure cuffs numbing my thin arms. I went through the motions of it, the rest of me numbing too, repeating my age and my name and spelling it over and over—“Nguyen. N-g-u-y-e-n. Corinna. No, with a C and two Ns. N-g-u-y-e-n. I’m fine .”
    Agitated, I was struggling with a nurse who was trying to run me an IV when I saw my mother, wearing her pajama bottoms with a winter jacket thrown over top—the woman who was never seen around town outside of a tasteful pantsuit, never a hair out of place or a button undone.
    “Mom,” I said, practically shoving the poor nurse in an effort to reach my mother.
    She rushed to me, petting my hair and cooing like she hadn’t since I was a small child. The nurse tried again to give me an IV, which I jerked away from before the needle came anywhere near the tender crook of my elbow.
    “I’m fine! I don’t need an IV!” I said again, clutching at my mother’s jacket like a toddler. She pulled away and glanced at the nurse, her eyes narrowed.
    “Are you refusing medical treatment?” she asked me without looking at me, still staring down the nurse.
    “I am refusing medical treatment,” I parroted, relaxing for the first time since I’d gotten into the hospital. “I’m fine .”
    “My daughter is consciously refusing medical treatment. If you so much as give her an Advil, I will sue this hospital for all it’s worth,” my mother said slowly, sounding much more like the hotshot lawyer I knew and loved. Her voice still had an edge to it, rough from sleep and worry.
    The nurse nodded quickly and scuttled away from my bed, a timid mouse fleeing a cat.
    My mother turned back to me, her eyes softening. In moments like this, I could see a bit of myself in her, even behind the blue eyes and red hair that threw so many people for a loop. The curve of her mouth in a worried frown, the heart-shaped face that creased between her brows when she was on the verge of exhaustion—those were things I shared with my no-nonsense mother.
    We had very little else in common.

November 16th
     
     
    “I CAN ’ T do this. I can’t do this.”
    We’d spent weeks preparing for this moment, and one misstep had ruined it all.
    “You can do this,” Kate yelled over the running water and the slap! of heavy, wet fabric being moved about roughly. She turned off the water and continued making the slapping noises, which echoed obscenely around the empty bathroom.
    “I can’t . This is a sign !” I kicked at the stall door so hard that it made a sharp bang! and then continued to vibrate in place for a long moment. One corner of the poster taped to the inside let go and began to flop around. I carefully smoothed the corner back into place, looking at the blown-up picture of myself on it with growing nausea.
    “I’m dropping out. I can’t stand it. I don’t care if my mother disowns me, I can’t go out there.”
    The phrase CORINNA FOR THE NGUYEN in bright purple bubble letters seemed to laugh at me. All the time my mother had put into designing those posters and the money she’d put to having them professionally printed was going to be a huge waste. I wasn’t going out there.
    “My catchphrase is a stupid pun, and no one will even get it,” I had complained privately to Ricky after the posters had been printed and it was too late to change them. “This election is going to ruin my life.”
    “As soon as Jessa and Ricky get back with clothes, you are going to go out there and make us all proud. And jealous! Jessa will be so jealous if you win,” Kate said, bringing me back to the humiliating present situation. “Man, this blood just won’t come out!”
    Standing in my bra and panties in the bathroom stall, I shivered violently. “Sorry,” I said, feeling even more