Paranormal Bromance by Carrie Vaughn Read Free Book Online Page B

out with more vampires. Maybe I’d like more of them that I thought.
    “That’s a tough one,” Kitty said. “On the one hand, if you’re working for a Master, you might think of it as a uniform. On the other hand, since it sounds like this is pretty offensive and difficult for you, you might ask if you can please do something else. Try to get across that you’d be much happier in a different role. Not being your Master I can’t speculate on what’s really going on or what that might be.”
    “I just… the thought of doing this for all eternity just makes me kind of tired, you know?”
    “Which is exactly why you have to do something about it. Offer a compromise, work it out. Other than that… well, turns out vampires have to live just like the rest of us—one day at a time.”
    “Thanks for listening, Kitty.”
    “Thanks for calling. Moving on... I’ve got a call here from Sam in Denver. Sam, you’re up, what’s your problem?”
    What?
    “Oh… um… hi?”
    “Hello, Sam. You have a question for me?” She seemed amused. And why wouldn’t she, I must have sounded like I’d been pushed on stage naked.
    Well, I was here. Might as well take advantage. “Okay, I have a confession. I’ve never really listened to your show until tonight. I just know you by reputation, and I figured this whole thing was a sensationalist gimmick. But—”
    “There’s always a but,” she said cheerfully.
    “But… something happened. I met this girl. Woman. Person. She’s great. And I’m a vampire. A young one, I’ve only been a vampire for like fifteen years, but still. I’m confused. How…” I stumbled, either from a sudden bout of stage fright or because I just couldn’t articulate it. “I’m having trouble figuring out the logistics of it. She has to work during the day, I have to sleep during the day, there’s an overlap of maybe six hours, and that’s only in winter.” Even I thought I sounded whiney.
    “You know why I’m going to have way less sympathy for you than you’re expecting?” Her tone was sympathetic enough. She wasn’t being mean. But she wasn’t going to cut me slack. I was kind of hoping she’d cut me slack. “Because of all the mortal human couples who have to deal with swing shifts. Because of the nurses who work all night whose spouses never get to see them, for the night-shift cops who never get to go to the movies with their sweeties. Other people have been dealing with these problems for a long time. You’re not as special as you think you are.”
    “Oh, it’s not that I think I’m special. I just…” I sighed. The problem had gotten much bigger in my head in the last few minutes. “This isn’t the life I thought I was going to have. I thought I’d have everything figured out by now.”
    “Nobody ever has it all figured out. You actually seem to be trying to work this stuff out, which makes you an okay guy in my book. But I’ve said it before—don’t attribute to the supernatural what may just be ordinary bad luck.”
    “But what about the supernatural bad luck that got me into this in the first place? I’m just starting to really get a grip what this means, how a lot of this works, and you know what I’ve figured out? That the real tragedy of vampirism is realizing I’m going to be around long enough to see that, eventually, no one’s going to remember Nirvana. You know they’re playing “Lithium” on classic rock stations now?”
    She said, “Sam, that’s got nothing to do with vampirism. That’s just getting old.”
    Don’t attribute to the supernatural… “You’re right,” I said, sighing again. “You’re exactly right.”
    “As for advice, it’s pretty much the same, too. Be honest, set boundaries, and do the best you can.”
    “Thanks for listening, anyway.”
    “You know what you’re going to do next?”
    I didn’t. I had some ideas. But I had to think some more. “I think maybe I’ll call her up and ask her to a movie. A late