Pet Peeve by Piers Anthony Read Free Book Online Page B

cutie pie?” the bird demanded with overwhelming sarcasm.
    Oh. “I was thinking of my wife. That always melts me.”
    “That's what I'm feeling, then.”
    “You got it backwards, babe. He's feeling up you.”
    They finished and waded out of the water. They had no towels, but that was no problem for Hannah. She simply shook herself in place, doglike, making the water fling out in every direction.
    “Squawk!” the parody protested dizzily.
    But it wasn't the water that bothered Goody. His eyes locked up and his breath froze. The world went darker than the dusk.
    A hand whammed him on the back, nearly jarring his teeth loose. “Come out of it, goblin! What's the matter with you?”
    “The jerk freaked out!” the bird said.
    Goody gasped in a breath as his eyes creaked back into focus. “This time the peeve is right. I—I think I freaked out.”
    “Freaked out?”
    “When you shook your body. There was so much, so close, so mobile—above and below—”
    “Too much hot wet meat whomping around,” the bird clarified helpfully.
    She was amazed. “My body did that? But I'm no nymph!”
    “You could pass for one, unclothed. A muscular one. I was caught off guard. I'm sorry.”
    “The little louse's a man after all. Who would have thought it?”
    “I freaked you out,” she repeated. “I never thought I could do that to any male. I'm a warrior woman.”
    “A battling bawd.”
    “Now you know,” he said, smiling wanly.
    “I wonder if it would work in combat? If I was really hard pressed and needed a secret weapon.”
    “I believe it would work,” he said. “Especially against human males.”
    “What a discovery!” she exclaimed, pleased.
    “Thirty-six years old, and she's just discovered sex!”
    The bird could be uncomfortably accurate. “I am glad to have helped,” Goody said, wondering how it knew her age.
    Hannah reached up and untied the loop of hair holding the bird to her head. “Go find your own perch, fowl-mouth.” She went to fetch her clothing where it had dried on bushes. Goody clapped a hand over his eyes before she got into her steel-mesh panties, saving himself another freakout.
    They finished dressing, and things were safe again. Goody gathered pillows from a pillow bush.
    “What are you doing?”
    “Fetching something soft to sleep on.”
    The parody flew up to roost on the front pole of the lean-to. “Make her take off her halter again, idiot!”
    Goody's skin made another effort to blush.
    “Why bother? The ground is good enough.” She flung herself down under the lean-to in her clothing and was instantly asleep.
    Well, she was a barbarian. Goody placed his pillows beside her and lay on them. He was soon soundly asleep too.
    “Well, now!”
    Goody woke. That was the peeve's voice. “Is there a problem?”
    “No. Go back to sleep, runty.”
    Hannah stirred. “The dirty bird wants us asleep? I don't trust this.”
    Both of them quietly got up. There was a light out on the pool. What was going on out there?
    “Well, stuff me in a bottle and call me a pickle,” Hannah breathed. “It really is a car pool.”
    Indeed it was. Cars were lined up on the far side, with headlights slanting toward the pool. Kiddie cars and motorcycles were sporting in the water, supervised by the full-sized cars. Sport cars were racing along the sand, and bold pickup trucks were sparking with well-upholstered limousines.
    Several cars got together and made music for others to dance to. Pictures also appeared in the flickering headlights of a car labeled with the words Anni Mae, showing cars doing funny things. “Car tunes,” Hannah whispered.
    Something nudged Goody's foot. He looked down. There in the faint light left over from the distant cars was a miniature car, a toy, nudging his ankle. In fact there were a number of them, covering the ground before them. “What's this?”
    “A car-pet, imbecile!”
    It seemed the bird was right: the ground was covered with friendly little cars seeking