Pike's Folly by Mike Heppner Read Free Book Online Page B

“Heath, what do you do?”
    Embarrassed, Heath sat down, and Allison dropped into his lap. “I’m an independent filmmaker,” he said.
    â€œHeath has every film that’s ever been made on videotape,” she added.
    He gave her a secret, disapproving look. Meeting Pike for the first time, he wanted to present himself on his own terms, without her girlfriendy interjections.
    Smiling broadly, Pike said, “I used to produce movies—a long time ago. I tell you, that’s a hell of a business.”
    â€œDidn’t you do
Emmanuelle on Taboo Island
?” Heath asked. Some other titles then came back to him:
The Succubus. Fatal
Warning II.
A whole video library’s worth of glorious junk.
    Pike looked pleased. “Not guilty. I made a cannibal flick with Laura Gemser, though, if that’s what you’re thinking about.”
    Heath told himself to quit fawning. “I’m writing a screenplay right now,” he said. “It’s sort of an homage to counterculture exploitation films like
Trash
and
Easy Rider.
”
    â€œIt’s a spoof?”
    â€œNo, not a spoof, although . . . I could
make
it a spoof.”
    â€œSomething like a
funny
version of
Easy Rider.
But deliberately bad.” Pike had a swallow of his drink. “That’d be interesting.”
    Gregg perked up. “Maybe you could get Mr. Pike to produce it for you, Heath.”
    Hearing his voice—bright and well intentioned—Allison felt a surge of love for her father.
    â€œOh, I don’t think I’m quite ready for that,” Heath demurred. Of the three, it seemed to him that only Pike was taking him seriously.
    â€œI’ll tell you an idea I once had,” Pike said and helped himself to a brimming handful of mixed nuts. “Now, maybe you can do something with this. It’s called
Boring Movie.
And the gag is, the whole film’s tedious and dull for an hour and a half, then it’s over.”
    â€œI see,” Heath said, not following.
    â€œA deliberately boring movie.”
    â€œBut how would you—”
    â€œYou wouldn’t! Don’t play it for laughs. That would spoil the gag.”
    â€œThat’s stupid,” Allison snapped. “What’s the point in making a movie if it’s just a waste of people’s time?”
    â€œBut that’s what’s great about it!” Pike’s voice rose to an indecorous level. “Your generation always takes things too literally, Allison. When Gregg and I were your age—well, maybe not Gregg, but . . .”
    Allison glared, defending her father by ignoring the joke.
    â€œWe knew how to have
fun.
Look at history. The only things worth doing are pointless things. Because if there’s a
point
? Then that’s all there is to it. ‘And now
this
movie is going to show you how to comb your hair and be a good little American.’ No!” Waving both hands, he nearly sloshed his drink onto the carpet. “I want a movie where the screen is blue for three hours.”
    Doing his best, Heath offered, “Kind of like a post-Warhol—”
    â€œI want to read a book and be able to say, ‘Now what the fuck was that?’ when I get to the end of it. I want to have my expectations underwhelmed. I want to leave the theater dissatisfied.”
    Pike’s bluster, his hyperbole and whiz-bang hand gestures left little room for discussion, but Gregg tried anyway. “There must be a way to tie it in with something else,” he said, “because if you think about it, maybe the
film’s
not really boring, maybe it’s just that our attention spans are so—”
    â€œNo!” Pike slammed down his glass. “See, you’re ruining it by talking about it too much. Everything beautiful has been ruined by critics and academics. It’s not enough that something just
is.
It’s got to mean something, too.”
    Heath nodded in appreciation;