Platonic by Kate Paddington Read Free Book Online Page B

he knew Daniel had seen for a half-second, and so his smile when he matched Daniel’s grin was extra bright.
    We are going to do this. We’re forever .
    Mark knew Daniel could feel his hands heavy and tight on him, and he wondered if Daniel could feel the murkiness just beneath everything, could hear the phantom screaming that something was wrong.
    Daniel stared right at him, his smile dropping away as he carefully spoke, clearly hoping it was the right thing to say: “You know I’m going to wait for you. It’s going to be so much better when you’re there with me.” And he was watching, not blinking, so he couldn’t miss Mark’s reaction.
    For that split second before he collected himself and slid a smile into place, Mark couldn’t hide the sharp twist of bitterness and terror in his belly. The look on Daniel’s face ripped at his heart, and months of hiding the pangs of discontent were suddenly undone. In that moment Mark knew Daniel, who knew him so well, could guess just how upset he was even if he could never understand it. Now Daniel’s face mirrored the worry and hurt.
    Daniel whispered, “Mark.” He looked terrified.
    But Mark smiled more strongly, knowing nothing he could say would be worth saying, and hugged Daniel close, kissing his cheek affectionately and sounding sure when he said: “We are forever. I’m just going to miss you is all.”
    ***
    “Holy shit.” By now Patrick is cooking: bacon, eggs and mushrooms that smell delicious. The story has slowed and Mark keeps getting lost in the retelling, biting his lip as he tries to remember the exact day of the week when things happened, the weather. Patrick hasn’t objected, has just slipped quietly to his feet and started to cook while Mark looks elsewhere and slouches deeper into the couch.
    “What?” Mark tries to keep the tension out of his voice. It’s been so many years since Daniel, and he knows he should be able to tell the story with fewer words and fewer feelings. He looks across at Patrick and then stands up and makes his way toward the stools near the kitchen counter to get closer to him, to try to read his face. “What?” he asks again. Patrick is just staring at the eggs and frowning.
    Slowly, Patrick looks up, and his expression shifts into a smirk. “You broke up because you suck at asking for what you want.”
    “We didn’t break up.”
    Patrick shakes his head and goes back to cooking, choosing not to dignify that with further questioning. “I’m just saying—I’m calling it now—I don’t know shit about Daniel, but I know you pretty well, and you do not ask for the things you want. Not in bed, not at restaurants, not when I’m getting in the shower and I turn the TV on for you and ask you what channel you wanna watch. You just say you don’t mind even when you clearly do.” He plucks a mushroom from the stove and eats it. “It’s because of your dad.”
    “Well, I don’t know anything about that.”
    “Well, you should. Is that why it went to shit?”
    Mark doesn’t want to admit it, but having thought so much about the breakup he knows exactly where it went wrong; and Patrick—ever-quick, ever-clever Patrick—has hit the nail on the head.
    “Yeah.”
    “You’ve got to ask for things when you need them. And in a relationship you’ve got to ask for things you want at least half the time.”
    “I hardly think you—”
    “Am I wrong?”
    Mark sighs and sips coffee from the cup Patrick has given him. He isn’t about to argue with Patrick, but he’s pretty sure Patrick is underestimating the complexity of romantic relationships entirely. “Anyway…”
    ***
    The night before Daniel left for New York, Mark stayed over. They were both too quiet and too sad as they ate dinner with Greg and Molly and they held hands as tightly and as often as they could.
    It was stupid, really. It was only going to be a few months apart, at worst, and they would have all the contact they could want emotionally, just not