Christian paused the game and set down the controller.
It made me feel special that he’d stop the game for me. Silly, I know, but for some reason it felt significant.
“It was okay.” After the words were out of my mouth, I knew they were a mistake. It was the first dance I’d attended. And I’d made such a big deal to the boys about going. The day before I went on and on about how I was older now. In fact, when Cal made jokes about Miles, I defended him, stating that I was mature enough to choose the right boy to go out with. I wasn’t even sure I liked Miles. But he happened to be the only boy who asked me to the dance. Not that I would ever admit that to my brother.
“Uh oh. That doesn’t sound good.”
“No, I didn’t mean that. I meant it was a lot of fun.” My lips wobbled a little when I smiled.
“How much fun?” Christian raised his eyebrows.
I rolled my eyes. “Now you sound like my brother.”
Christian chuckled. “Okay, I’ll back off.”
“Thanks.” That was easy. “I guess I’m glad I ran into you tonight instead of Cal. I thought for sure I was gonna get the third degree.”
“Nah.” Christian waved away my words and reached for the controller. My heart pinched a little. Clearly I’d bored him already. Light from the TV flickered over his face, painting his tanned skin in bluish hues. For a moment, I admired his chiseled features and strong jaw. I watched his fingers as they danced over the controller. Then I stared at his rock hard abs that clung to his tight t-shirt, and the muscles that protruded out of his upper arms. A lot of my friends were jealous that Christian spent so much time at my house. And I knew why. Christian was hot. I’d have to be an idiot not to notice that. Of course my friends also drooled all over my brother too, but I didn’t get that at all. “I told Cal there was nothing to worry about.”
His words hit me like a sucker punch. Why would he assume nothing would happen? Was I so repulsive that he thought no guy would ever make a move on me?
“For your information, Miles kissed me tonight.” I stood up, puffing out my chest. “Yeah, that’s right. I had my first kiss. And it was a damn good one,” I put the emphasis on the word damn is if cussing would prove my maturity. “How’s that for nothing to worry about?” I spun around on my heels, preparing to stalk out of the room in a dramatic fashion.
“Miles kissed you!” Christian spoke so loudly, I stiffened.
Whirling around, I shook my head desperately. “Shut up.”
“Sorry.” His eyes shifted back and forth.
“Cal will kill me if he finds out.” I regretted my decision to tell Christian already.
“Fine, I won’t tell him.” Christian’s eyes grew serious. “But tell Miles I’ll be watching out for him. He better treat you right.”
My heart flipped in my chest, my whole body warming. Smiling, I walked back to my room feeling light as air. It was like I was walking on puffy white clouds, my feet never hitting the floor. I’d like to say that I fell asleep dreaming of Miles and my first kiss. But it was Christian’s words that I heard as I drifted off. And it was his face that filled my dreams.
****
I wake from a fitful night’s sleep. Christian invaded my dreams last night too, and I blame him for all of my tossing and turning. I should be over the moon that Josh and I are still together. Yesterday he was so sweet. Possibly sweeter than he’s ever been. He walked me to all of my classes, even held my backpack for me. And when I was cold at the end of the day he offered me his jacket. When he draped it over my shoulders I saw the jealous looks of the girls we passed in the halls. And I knew I should feel lucky, but instead I felt conflicted, torn, and kind of sick.
It’s all Christian’s fault.
Why did he have to go and kiss me like that, effectively stirring up all of my old feelings? Feelings I had worked really hard at burying. Feelings that never should