care? Where else am I going to go? Move back in with Topher? HA ! I’m fine right here. My bill gets paid every month; this place costs a fortune. The least they can do is let me get a handful of ass now and then.”
“You’re impossible.” Lilly laughed as she took a bite of her macaroni. “Oh my gawwdddd , this is so good.” She rolled her eyes, letting the creamy goodness tantalize her taste buds. “I’ve eaten too much celery lately; this is ah-maze-zing .”
“How’s your mother?” Mac asked.
“Hmmm, about the same. It’s so hard knowing she could be getting better care here. I’m working my ass off trying to finish this project so Colin will sponsor her and get her here.”
“I’m sorry. I wish I could help. They took away my accounts. I can’t even sign my own checks anymore. There is nothing wrong with my mind; it’s just my body that’s falling apart.”
“I know. It’s okay. If I get this finished in the next month, Colin says he'll bring her here for the wedding, then pay for her treatment. There is a specialist at the University Hospital that is doing a trial of an experimental drug that seems to be having good results. Colin has a lot of connections. I just need her to hang on.”
They ate in silence for a bit, and Lilly couldn’t help think about Flynn, where he was and if he was okay. The image of him sitting in the chair in the darkness and the sound of his words, seared her memory.
I love you, too. I’ll never be able to tell you, but I do. That’s what I wanted to say.
“Eloise came to visit.” Mac broke into her thoughts.
“Yeah? That’s nice.” Lilly did her best to keep her voice even.
“Nice? Not really, Colin sent her over to deliver my medicine. She’s a gossip and a troublemaker. Stay away from that one. She’s got a burr up her butt when it comes to you.”
Eloise worked for the estate and Colin kept her in quarters on the third floor of the Tudor mansion secluded from the rest of the live-in help. Colin had her running errands for Topher now too. A gesture of goodwill he’d said.
Lilly knew better. She was just another set of eyes and ears for Colin.
She spoke to Lilly only when necessary. Lilly watched her stare at Colin, and it didn’t take long to figure out her services went beyond the usual household kind.
“Yeah, well, it’s all I can do to try to keep myself from Colin’s wrath, I don’t need to try to befriend my future husband’s current fuck.”
As a matter of fact, it would be great if he would just continue to fuck the staff and leave me alone. He doesn’t even find me attractive. Why can’t we just have a marriage on paper without the other accouterments? I’d rather stay a virgin forever than let him be the first.
“Well, as much as I try not to listen to her bullshit, she told me you had a little trouble last week.” Mac set down his knife and fork.
Lilly felt the catch in her chest. The fork in her hand shook slightly. Mac was the only person in the world she could talk to about Flynn.
She set her fork down and clutched the linen napkin over her lips for a long moment.
“I wanted him to die. Right then, something in me snapped, and all the hate and fear and disgust in my life came out on him.” Her voice shook as she looked up to see Mac’s watery, turquoise eyes on her.
His rough fingers pulled at her wrist until she yielded her hand.
“I wanted him to be gone. I don’t want to feel anything. I hate him for making me feel something; it only makes everything harder. But, I couldn’t do it. He wanted to die, too, I think. That’s why he came.”
“I’m sorry, Lilly.”
“Me, too.”
“I think he came for you. For the possibility. I know what that feels like. Men like us, in families like ours, we live a hard life. You have to be cold, leave any weakness behind. But, when someone grabs our hearts, it’s like an entire universe opens up that we never expected. It’s a shock. We don’t know what to do, and