Putting the Madge in Danna by Mia Natasha Read Free Book Online Page A

rates of flights to the Caribbean where she and her
husband have a time-share. She loves to get a good deal. When she’s
doing it though, she’s one of those I-must-have-silence types, as though
she’s about to concentrate on a magic trick instead of a simple
travel option.
    Kathy has been here for ages, at least since
before the name change – Traveler’s Nook to Eiffel Travel when Jack
Cochran bought the business. It took years for her to climb to the
top, no BJs on that ladder, so she’s allowed to be the office
bully, I guess.
    We usually work in pairs. The reason I’m
alone today is because Kathy took the morning off to take care of
her carpel tunnel problem. It’s been nagging her more often than
usual, which makes me wonder if she’s having an affair with her
doctor since I don’t know many doctors who work on Sundays (unless
she went to the ER), plus I’ve rarely seen her typing anything.
When she’s here, she’s usually on the phone chatting up all her
friends from the other Eiffel agencies across the East coast while
eating pastries.
    God, I’m so bored!
    Secret – it sounds like Madonna is singing to me, personally. Mmm-mmm, my baby’s got a secret! I can’t concentrate on any of this paperwork that
I’m supposed to get finished before I take my honeymoon leave of
absence. I guess it’s because I do have a secret, as you know, and
there are five more to go.
    I have an appointment in an hour with a man
who is about to surprise his wife of fifty years with a trip to
Paris. Doesn’t that sound so romantic? It’s on her bucket list
after surviving cancer or something. Fifty years, wow. I hope Zeus
and I last that long. We’ve been on fucky-wuck patrol for five
years already, we can totally go the distance. Time flies when you
are in love, so I’m sure we’ll get there in no time.
    By the way, Mrs.
Zepkos does think
I’m a virgin. I knew it, which is good, I suppose. Even if she was
just implying it to be nice, and she is always nice – I have no
evil stepmother-type mother-in-law stories to share - it means that
she approves of my liaison with her son and that she respects me.
None of that behind my back gossip that a lot of our church friends
do. At least I don’t think she’s like that. What do you
think?
    She had made a weird
comment while we were on the phone the other day that our Mr. &
Mrs. Zeus Zepkos wedding night needed white sheets to capture the essence of my
chastity . Since we weren’t face-to-face, I
couldn’t tell if she was kidding around or not so, I tried to keep
my Chad Mavis style poker face on (for my own benefit) while I
managed to say something silly like, maybe
I should bottle it up and sell it as church
incense . She laughed. She has to know the
truth! What does she think we have been doing for the last six
months in my apartment? She must know that we’ve been practically
living together there. Technically, he lives with his parents, but
he never actually sleeps in his bed there. He’s either travelling
or with me. Do we
have Mrs. Zepkos fooled?
    We have absolute heaps of sex, if you must
know. Sometimes the big kazoo obliterates the feeling in my hoo-ha
from all the pounding. It’s true! Please don’t misunderstand,
bloggers. Even though, you’re probably thinking ZZ equals Zeus
Zepkos. Like he probably sleeps a lot because of the all the Zs. He
doesn’t, really. He actually has energy times infinity. His middle
name is Archimedes, by the way, so his initials are really ZAZ,
like pizzazz, you know?
    You need to know that I love Zeus with all
my heart and my hooey combined, I mean, this six fuckers thingy –
it isn’t about him, because he can get it up, no worries there. I
told you why I’m doing this. Madonna came to me in a dream. It’s a
vision quest. I’m supposed to seek out a poppy field of prickers
and grab them all so that I can utter the dreamy Oz phrase about my
heart’s desire being in my own backyard. Isn’t that how happy
endings work?