RECKLESS - Part 4 (The RECKLESS Series) by Alice Ward Read Free Book Online Page A

going to go downstairs. I’ll be waiting for you.”
    I didn’t miss the implication of those words, of the dual meaning behind them. He would wait for me to be ready, wait for me to figure out what I felt. But it all felt so wrong now. How could I keep seeing this man that clearly loved me when I still wasn’t even sure what I felt or thought? How could I intentionally hurt him like that? I knew that the longer I let it go on, the more it would hurt. Didn’t my lack of reciprocated feelings give me some kind of obligation to let him go until I could be ready? Wasn’t that how it worked?
    I didn’t know. I didn’t want to know. I just wanted things to go back the way they were before he’d uttered those words. But you can’t go back. Mistakes are forever, even if they are learning lessons.
    When I finally made my way back downstairs, Jace was sitting on the couch, his head in his hands. It broke my heart to see him like that, to know that I’d been the source of all that pain. Why couldn’t I just let go? Why couldn’t I be more like Becca? What the hell was wrong with me that I just had to keep torturing myself with a relationship that had died long ago? Why couldn’t I just appreciate what was right in front of me?
    As I stood there on the stairs, watching him, thinking of how he deserved so much better, I contemplated what my next move should be. Should I let him go, or should I hold on with all my might? My instincts told me to hold on, that this was a good thing, that this was exactly what I needed. But the fear choked the life right out of me, the fear that this man could be my undoing, that I wasn’t giving myself enough time between him and Sean, that, even with his claim to love me, Jace would find out that I wasn’t anything like the girl he’d imagined.
    Why the hell didn’t life come with an instruction manual?
    I’d come this far—we had—and I knew, without a doubt, that there was something there. I could feel it in my bones, in the way he looked at me, in the way my skin felt like it was on fire every time he touched me. I had to give him a full-on fair shot. No more brooding. No more planning. No more worrying about my future.
    I was going to live and breathe and just be in my moments with him. The worry with my brother was over now, and we were in the perfect place for me to let my hair down, the city I loved, the city he clearly felt at home with. It was high time we got out there and experienced together.
    I crossed the room and sat down on the floor in front of him, putting my face as close to his as I could. “Hey,” I said, gently touching his knee, waiting for him to come to me, for him to see just how sorry I was.
    He removed his hands and then looked at me with a pained expression. “Hey.” His voice sounded broken, like he wanted to cry which only made the pang of guilt in my chest bigger, heavier.
    I tried to figure out what I would say to ease the ache in his heart, tried to let my own heart do the thinking for me. Let go, I thought, taking his hands in mine. “Jace, I’m sorry about that back there.” He looked away from me but I touched his cheek, brought his face back to me, sought his eyes out with mine again. “That wasn’t your fault. You’re right. I’m not ready. But I want to try. I—I know there’s something. I can feel it. Just... be patient with me, please? I’m sorry I hurt you, and I promise, I’m going to work harder at being in the moment.”
    A smile pulled at the edges of his lips, but I could still see the pain in his eyes. So, rather than say anything else, rather than risk doing any more damage, I pulled him up from the couch. “Let’s go,” I said, dragging him through the living room to the front door.
    “Where are we going?”
    “You’ll see.”

CHAPTER FIVE
    Our first stop was the Athenian. We sat in the upper booths, looking out at the Sound through the long windows, watching the ferries cross over. Jace finally got to see why the