Red Sun by Raven St. Pierre Read Free Book Online Page B

times like these when I really miss my mom and Shalon.  There was never a dull moment and it seems like my life’s filled with those now.  On hot nights like these, Mom would take us out for ice cream at whatever place was open and buy us whatever we wanted.  She always knew how to make whatever was wrong better.  I think that’s what I miss most about her.  Now, when things don’t go quite right, I feel lost, never really knowing how to make myself feel the way she used to.
                  I searched my purse until I found my meds and then tiptoed to the bathroom to get a drink of water.  I stood there a few seconds after swallowing it and caught my breath.  It’s one of the most uncomfortable feelings in the world to miss someone you can never have.  Knowing that the last time you held them was the absolute last time, and knowing that the last time they spoke to you was the last time you’d ever hear their voice again.  That’s a very heavy reality, and I get to deal with those feelings double. 
                  The weight of my thoughts is the reason behind the sleeping pills.  My mind runs wild when it’s idle and it keeps me from reaching that peacefulness that enables a person to sleep.  I keep seeing the accident over and over in my head when I try to close my eyes at night, replaying like a movie.  It was so real that I could almost hear the metal twisting and smell the stench of the tires burning against the concrete.  Just as I heard my mother’s voice, I opened my eyes and stared at myself in the mirror.  I was still.  All I could see was my twin sister staring back at me and for a split second I almost forgot that she was even gone.  The sound of my father turning over on the living room couch brought me back and I hurried back to my room and shut the door.
                  I rested against the wall for a few minutes, trying to get myself together; trying to make myself let go.  But how do you do that?  How do you stop yourself from wanting what you can’t have when it shouldn’t have been taken away from you in the first place?  Is that even possible?  I’ve tried to get it together for the past four years, and you see how that worked out.  Despite the fact that I was tormenting myself mentally, the pills were starting to do their job, and I dozed off in the middle of a thought.
                  Tuesday came and I didn’t dare venture outside.  For one, I’d had my fill of the outdoors, and two, I was afraid of running into my Mohican again and having to explain my actions from the day before.  Instead, I stayed in and looked up the local tribe online.  All my research turned up was their name; Waccamaw.  Everything else concerning their history and culture was too vague to really get anything from it.  So, after running into one brick wall after another, I finally gave up and watched pointless crap on YouTube for the rest of the day.
                  I dreaded Wednesday’s arrival, so of course it got here quickly.  My dad had to come wake me up twice because I kept falling back asleep when my alarm went off.  It was unholy and unnatural to be awake this early in the morning in the summer.  When I finally got up and dressed, he was already out in the truck staring at the time.  He didn’t say anything to me which meant he was upset.  He passed me a bagel wrapped in a paper towel and backed out of the driveway headed toward the bridge that leads to the Reservation.  The queasiness in my stomach prohibited me from eating, so I reached forward and set the food back on the dashboard instead of forcing it down.  It was already hot and humid out which was an indicator for how the rest of the day would be.  Why not?  Nothing seemed to be going my way, so the weather may as well be miserable too. 
                  I watched the road wind through the trees as we drew closer and closer to the