Return to Glory (Hqn) by Sara Arden Read Free Book Online Page B

It wasn’t because of me, was it?”
    Betsy closed her eyes. “No, it was because of me. Because I failed.” It was the first time she’d said it out loud. Betsy had replayed it over and over in her head, said it to herself again and again, but she’d never articulated those exact words before. She’d always said she made a mistake, a dangerous mistake, but just a mistake. She’d never owned her failure. Now she was burning again, but it wasn’t with the heat between them. It was with shame.
    Everyone had had such high hopes for her.
    Especially herself.
    She wasn’t ready to examine that too closely.
    “Rather than beat it to death, maybe we could go back to the singing my praises and giving me orgasms. I like that better.”
    “Don’t we all?”
    “Do you really?” She lifted her head and met his gaze.
    So much for not beating it to death. Why couldn’t she leave the hows and whys of this thing between them alone and just enjoy the moment? She’d been managing so well for about five minutes.
    She saw from the look on his on his face that she didn’t really want the answer.
    Betsy reluctantly peeled herself from his arms. Their idyll was over. Whatever spell they’d been under had unraveled. “I know Mom would like it if you’d stay for Sunday dinner.” At his stricken look, she added, “Caleb and India will be here, too. No big deal if you can’t.”
    “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Betsy.”
    She tried to convince herself that the sharp pain that stabbed through her was just because she was hungry and craving her mama’s fried chicken.
    “Okay.” Betsy hated how forlorn and sad she sounded at his refusal.
    “I came to give you that check because I’m leaving,” he added. “I can’t stay here.”
    “I said okay.” She wouldn’t look at him as she slipped into her dress. “Will you zip me up?”
    “It doesn’t sound okay.”
    What did he expect? “You want me to tell you it’s okay that you’re leaving again to go somewhere no one knows you, no one loves you, only to drink yourself to death alone? That’s not going to happen. So go. I can’t stop you, but it won’t be with my blessing.”
    “That’s a little overdramatic, don’t you think?” His breath ghosted along her neck as he helped her with her dress.
    After he’d zipped her, she turned to face him. “No, I don’t.” She studied him hard for a moment that seemed to stretch out into eternity. “I think you decided that you came back. You showed your face so you fulfilled your promise to me, and now you can go off and do whatever it is you want to yourself in peace. I know you, Jack. I know how your mind works. And I can’t stop you. But you should consider that no one knows how much time they have and you may not want what you’ve got. I can see it in your eyes. But would you rather spend it drinking whiskey and choking on the ashes that we’ve talked so much about or have more days like today?”
    “You can’t save me. I already told you that.” He shook his head.
    “Only because you won’t let me.”
    “You don’t understand.” The defeated expression on his face was killing her.
    “Maybe I haven’t been to war, but this—” she gestured at the space around them “— isn’t what I wanted, either.”
    “I’m supposed to be dead.” His voice was low and gravelly.
    “You told me last night that you already were. That you just brought back a body for me to mourn,” she reminded him.
    “Yes.”
    The one-word answer infuriated her. He was being purposefully obtuse and drowning himself not because he couldn’t break the surface, but because he just didn’t want to. “Dead men don’t talk about the taste of sweetness, Jack. And they sure as hell don’t move their tongues like you just did.”
    “When I’m with you is the only time I’m not dead, Bets.”
    His confession cooled her anger. “So be with me.” She didn’t understand why it had to be so complicated. One plus one