Revoltingly Young by C.D. Payne Read Free Book Online Page A

last. No check yet, but by tonight I expect my net worth will have skyrocketed. Meanwhile, I at last received an e-mail response from my elder brother. Nick apologized for not getting back to me sooner, saying he was “away for a week in Prague for a jugglers’ convention.” Why is it that everyone on Earth goes to conventions but the one sub-group that really needs to mix it up: horny teenagers? Nick writes and I quote: “I have no reason to believe that Lance Wescott is not your father.”
    OK, either the guy is totally clueless or a compulsive liar. I’m inclined toward the latter. In my experience, we Twisps much prefer a complicated lie to the simple truth. We are by nature a devious clan.
    The town’s meager black population has gone up by one. Carlyle’s package was delivered today. Unlike Toby, Carlyle tries to distract attention from his blue eyes and dearth of Negroid features by speaking an extreme version of ghetto English. The effect is arresting to say the least. I suggested he throttle back a notch to appear less like an offensive caricature, but he wasn’t buying it. He has also modified his walk to an in-your-face ghetto strut (with twitches). More than a bit ridiculous, but I must be supportive of my fellow gang member. Now he has hit the streets in full regalia to buy a metal comb for teasing out his big ’70s-style afro.
    5:12 p.m. Momentous news! Toby spoke to Uma again. First he got fat Marvin out of the way by asking him if he knew some “old guy named Gus?”
    “ My dad’s named Gus,” he replied, eyeballing me suspiciously.
    “ That’s too bad,” Toby said. “I just heard he collapsed into his macaroni and cheese at the senior center.”
    Marvin cursed, spat, and hustled out the door.
    “ Is that true?” inquired Uma, adorning the gum display with her Mediterranean beauty.
    “ Probably somewhere on this planet,” replied Toby, nervously scanning the candy bar rack. My Big Moment was approaching.
    “ I wish I could eat candy like you do,” Uma remarked.
    “ Why don’t you?”
    “ I have a grandmother who weighs 300 pounds.”
    “ So do I. But fortunately I’m not related to mine.”
    Not wishing to appear too hedonistic, I put back my jumbo bar and selected a regular-size Payday.
    “ How did you manage that?” Uma asked, sliding my bar under the scanner.
    “ It’s a long story.”
    “ That will be $1.29. Do you know Mary Glasgow?”
    I fished out my wallet. “Sure. I’ve known her since kindergarten.”
    True enough, but I doubt stuck-up Mary would deign to spit on me if my clothes were on fire. Uma, I knew, was tight with her.
    “ She’s having a Christmas in July party. Are you interested?”
    Toby had a mild coronary. Could it be that Uma was asking me out?”
    “ Uh, sure. Yes. Really, I’d love to. When is it?”
    “ Tomorrow night. Her parents are going out of town. We’re supposed to dress in holiday-appropriate attire–whatever that means.”
    “ Sounds good. What time should I pick you up?” I had to get this nailed down before she changed her mind or came to her senses.
    “ I don’t know. Eight o’clock?”
    “ I’ll be there.”
    “ OK.”
    “ OK, Uma.”
    “ Are you intending to pay me? Or do I have to call a cop?”
    “ Oh, right!”
    Toby paid for his item and wandered off in another golden fog.
    I have an actual date with Uma!
    I have joined the One Billion Club at last. This asking out chicks was much easier than I expected.
    By the way, my paycheck seemed suspiciously low. Lots of onerous deductions for frivolous taxes, plus no reimbursement for Toby’s pricey used shoes. Mrs. Dugan claimed she “forgot.” I let it slide, cause ol’ Toby is now slaving (happily) for date money.
     
    SATURDAY, July 9 – The most momentous day of my life. I less than 12 hours I may be holding Uma’s hand (assuming I can work up the courage). Lots of overnight leakage and thumb molestation I’m attributing to nerves. My composure was not improved