involved. I have to go Lacey, I’ll figure it out,” Lily sobbed into the phone and promptly flipped it shut.
Shane swallowed around the lump in his throat and counted a full minute before he knocked on the door of the cabin and walked in. Lily had wiped away most of her tears but her eyes were still red and she tried her best to smile at him as he came in, and then turned the faucet on and splashed her face.
“Sleep well?” she asked, drying her face. He noticed she’d slipped the phone into the pocket of her jeans and one hand was continually resting on it.
“Yeah, it wasn’t as cold as I thought it would be,” he murmured.
“That’s good,” she said, nodding.
“Are you hungry? I was thinking I could cook up the last of the food. Then maybe we can go and get something to eat down in that village, if you wanted. I mean, it’s up to you but-”
“I don’t know, Shane.”
“Or we could go for another hike, I know you wanted to check out the other side of that ridge. I think my legs are a bit tired still, but I bet I can manage. Of course, you’ll probably still be better than me, but I was thinking we could even bring a picnic or something. It’s a nice enough day.”
Her face fell and he saw how she was struggling desperately. She bit her lip and brushed hair out of her face. “Listen, I know it’s uh… kind of sudden, but I can’t stay. I know you were probably going to spend the whole weekend here, but-”
“What’s the matter?” he asked, trying to make the question sound authentic.
“Just, something came up.”
“Drama,” he said, holding up his finger, “right. Well is that bad? I mean, I thought you were the nomad type. You never have anywhere you really have to go?”
“Usually that’s the case, yeah, this is just… different.”
“Different how?”
“I can’t go into. It’s complicated and it’s none of your business. I don’t mean that in a mean way, it’s just… you don’t want to be a part of this.”
“That’s a bit hard to hear,”
“Yeah, I know… it’s… awkward. I have to go though. You don’t have to drive me back down Shane, it’s okay… I was just going to walk it.”
“It’s like ten kilometers back down,” he said, “no, I’ll drive you, I just… is everything okay?”
“Yeah, of course,” she said, and started to fidget with her backpack.
“Are you sure?” he said, stepping forward and putting his hand on top of hers. She recoiled again and he saw a little twitch of surprise register on her face.
Lily cleared her throat. “Thanks for everything, Shane. Really.”
As they started to drive back down the road and the cabin disappeared in the rearview mirror, Shane found himself grappling with another contradiction of emotions. On one hand he couldn’t deny his feelings for Lily – in the short time they’d spend together, the quality of each and every interaction, had driven him to acknowledge feelings he had never felt before, especially not to this degree. He hesitated to call it love .
That would have been premature. They’d known each other less than forty eight hours. All his definitions of adult relationships came crashing into his psyche like a runaway freight train, and the impact of it made him feel nauseous.
What had Lily told him last night? Not to define this. That was the problem. Definitions of things – of relationships, of words like ‘love’ – they didn’t help you experience them any better or