letters hurt the most.
After two weeks of rejection after rejection, I realized I needed to start applying for jobs that may not be exactly what I’m after but would be good for now. Those rejections hurt too.
Then I starting applying for anything that I could possibly do.
But I still can’t land a job.
Not even an interview.
I have even received the same rejection letter numerous times. It starts with:
‘Dear Candidate,
We thank you for your application for the advertised position. At this time, we did not find you to be a suitable applicant. We will blah, blah, blah….’
It seems my previous job title of ‘Personal Assistant’ doesn’t command a lot of respect. Joel offered to change my job title to ‘Business Manager’ or ‘Client Manager’, but I never saw the point of it. I never thought I would be looking for another job.
I thought I had that job for life.
When the potential new employers see ‘Personal Assistant’, they dismiss me as a bimbo straight away.
I have even thought about lying on the application, but I wouldn’t do that - it wouldn’t feel right.
I have called all my old contacts, but none of them have been able to help me. I guess that what’s the music industry is like. When you’re somebody, everyone wants to know you but when you’re nobody, nobody even wants to answer your call.
And my old boss Joel has been no help at all.
I can’t even get a hold of him. I found out that he is currently in the Bahamas living a very relaxing life, but he has never returned my calls.
Prick.
Looking back, I know how much I meant to him now.
I was an employee and nothing more. A good employee, but nothing more than that.
Although it was a hard lesson, it was a good lesson to learn. I learnt that my employer is nothing more than an employer. They are running a business and I was only a part of that business.
I’m sure I’ll take that knowledge with me for the rest of my life.
Luckily, I was working so hard over my adult life that I didn’t have time to spend much of my earnings. I had been putting an amount away each month and forgetting about it.
I was working so much that I didn’t have time to think about money or about future planning. I never took holidays, I never bought fancy clothes, and I never really bought anything that wasn't needed.
When I quit, I thought I would find it quite hard financially, but I was pleasantly surprised when I checked the savings account.
It was a very healthy balance, which was lovely. It’s not often that you walk out of a bank with a smile on your face.
It wasn’t the best time for me to step away from my job but it was the right choice. I would have punched Mitchell if I stayed much longer.
It took me a few weeks to understand why he made me so angry. Yes, there was the fact that he was changing the direction of the company that I loved, but it was more than that.
There was something deep inside me that was burning with Mitchell.
It was lust.
I don’t think it was love, but then again, I have never been lucky enough to experience real love, so I wouldn’t know. All I know is that there was a deep burning desire within me to ravish him.
A burning desire to put my hands on his body.
I still think about that night often.
Although he was drunk, it was still the best sex of my life.
Actually, it was one of the greatest moments of my life.
I couldn’t get enough of him.
Before I go to sleep, I think about him and when I have nothing to fill my day, I dream of him.
“Can lust ever grow into love?” I ask Eva as she sips her coffee.
“You’re not still thinking about him, are you?” she asks.
I shrug my shoulders.
“You hated him while you were there. You despised every part of him – but now, you can’t think about anything else. It’s been over a month, Chloe. You need to move on from that.”
“I think it was because I didn’t want to