Sammy Keyes and the Killer Cruise by Wendelin Van Draanen Read Free Book Online

Kate cries. “Let’s all go out to the deck!”
    Now, what I’m thinking is, That was no sail! That was a huge, farty
foghorn
! And there’s no way I’m going out on a deck with these scary blond aliens!
    But JT swoops in and grabs Marissa’s elbow and says, “Come on,” and off they go.
    Which leaves me stuck.
    “Sorry,” Kip tells me as everyone’s filing out to the suite’s enormous private deck. He says it under his breath, and when I look at him, I can tell he totally gets that I’m feeling trapped.
    The foghorn blasts again.
    Loud and long.
    “Why do they want us to stay?” I whisper.
    “Kensingtons won’t fight in public,” he whispers back.
    “We’re not
public
.”
    He eyes me. “You’re as close as they could get.”
    “But … what’s there to fight about?”
    He laughs. “A lifetime of resentments?” Then he lowers his voice even more and says, “But mostly money. Should be interesting when Grandmother does the big reveal tonight.”
    I whisper louder over another foghorn blast. “What big reveal?”
    “Oh, you know—what’s going to happen with the company now that Grandfather is gone.”
    “What company?” I whisper.
    He stares at me for a minute, like he can’t quite believe I’m asking. “Kensington colognes? Perfumes? Creams?” He grins. “Haven’t you noticed how good we all smell?” Then he adds, “I thought for sure your friend had figured it out.”
    I blink at him a minute as all this sinks in. I’d seen ads on billboards and in magazines and on TV … their regal, script
K
had been around since I could remember.
    No wonder they were in the Royal Suite!
    I shake my head. “Marissa hasn’t made it past the blue eyes.”
    He snorts and kinda rolls his brown eyes. “Yeah. And then there’s that.”
    We’d been sort of hanging back as we’d talked, so we were the last ones to reach the deck doors, but just as we’re about to join the rest of the alien hive, the doorbell rings again.
    “I hope that’s Noah,” Kip says, doing a quick U-turn toward the front door.
    I do a U-turn, too. “Who’s Noah?”
    “Ginger’s son. He’s my mom’s cousin, although
uncle
is a better description.” He tosses me a look over his shoulder. “He’s also the ship’s cruise director.”
    “What’s a cruise director?”
    “He’s like the cruise MC. He makes it look easy, but it’s actually a really big job. If the captain’s like the president, Noah’s the vice president.” Kip laughs. “And he’s
way
more fun then the rest of my family combined.” He whips open the door, and there’s a middle-aged man with kind of kinky, ginger-colored hair and a great big smile. “Kip, m’man!” the guy says as he comes inside. “How’s the fam? Everyone comfy?”
    “With the place? Sure. With each other? Never.” He closes the door and says, “This is my friend Sammy.”
    Noah sticks out a hand for me to shake. “The name’s Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.”
    I kind of blink at him like, What? but he turns to Kip and says, “You think they’ll like that one?”
    “Nope.”
    “Darn. And here I’ve been rehearsing it all day.” Noah drops his voice. “How about … What do you do with dead chemists?”
    “Not a good idea,” Kip warns.
    Noah’s eyes pop. “You barium!”
    Kip busts up but then stops laughing quick. “You can’t do it, Noah. It’s tacky.”
    Noah slaps his arm. “Oh, I know that. And I wouldn’t. I liked your grandfather.” He grins. “But it’s a good one, don’t you think?”
    “Compared to some of the others?” Kip nods. “Definitely.”
    “Everyone out watching the sail?” Noah asks, heading for the deck doors.
    “Of course,” Kip tells him.
    “Well, let’s go!”
    So we follow Noah outside, and the first thing he says to everyone is, “If H 2 O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?” and before anyone can say a thing, he cries, “H 2 O cubed!”
    “Noah has arrived,” Bradley mutters,