dig myself out. So many times I’d tried to tell her everything, especially after I knew Rick had recognized me, but it was far easier to cover up and hide. I’d even gone so far as to tell Walt not to mention anything about my career, just in case. Something had to give. Walking around work on pins and needles just waiting for him to slip had been agony the entire week.
I knew it was ridiculous. I knew I was being stupid, but they don’t call them irrational fears because they make sense. The day after Christmas, as I stood in the shower mentally beating myself up, I’d realized what my problem was. Deep down, despite everything we’d shared and the connection I felt with her, I was afraid Liz would leave me once she found out who I used to be. It wasn’t the The Blizzard’s reputation or all the bullshit Angela had dragged into my life that worried me. It was the comparison. Whether she meant to or not, she would look at him and then look at me. How could I compare? This scarred, broken version of myself with no future and a past I tried desperately to forget. What a catch.
As the hot water beat down on my face, I’d laughed at myself. At least my therapist will be happy I made some type of breakthrough. But knowing my issue didn’t make it any easier. In fact, it made it so much worse. It made me feel like my sheer presence, the face I showed her every day, was a lie. “This isn’t me,” I felt like saying. “The real me died two years ago. What you see in front of you is just a shitty photocopy.”
Liz’s voice broke through my thoughts. “Bry,” she said with a nudge.
“Huh? Wha—sorry,” I said noticing everyone looking at me. “I didn’t sleep very well last night,” I explained.
Morgan giggled and kicked a little snow towards Liz. “Oh yeah? You shouldn’t keep this poor boy up. How long have you guys been together?”
“I uh...” she said as she looked at me, obviously struggling for the right answer.
Looking to capitalize on the situation, I poked her in the side. “Yeah, how long have we been together? I’m curious.”
“You ass!” she cried, poking me back.
It felt good. With a beer or two in our systems, the conversation flowed easily. Even Spencer loosened up a bit. Aside from Liz and Walt, I felt like these two were a couple of people in Tellure Hollow I could see actually connecting with. Morgan was such a down-to-earth girl and Spencer, despite his awkward shell, had a dry humor I could appreciate.
The evening was closing in and the fire glowed brighter in the dim light. As Morgan threw another log on, a spray of sparks floating into the sky, I pulled Liz close and whispered in her ear. “You were right. I’m glad we came.”
“Of course I was right. You better get used to that,” she said as she kissed me on the cheek.
At that moment, Noah hooted loudly and clapped his hands together, the sound amplified across the frozen water. “Hey man, didn’t think you were gonna make it!” Liz tensed in my arms, head whipping around to the sound. I followed her gaze, knowing almost subconsciously what I was going to find.
Rick stood in a tan sheepskin coat, the collar pulled up around his neck, making him look like some kind of pimp. Noah rushed towards him like a kid greeting his dad after a day at work. He lifted his chin in that macho guy greeting as they clapped hands together, but I could see he was scanning the crowd for someone.
“You said he wasn’t going to be here,” I whispered through my teeth.
“Kayla promised. Oh, for fuck’s sake,” she said without much conviction. I’d heard her swear louder over dropping a fork on the floor.
I watched her for a moment to make sure my gut reaction was right. The way her eyes tracked him without surprise convinced me. “You knew he was going to be here,” I stated simply.
She rounded on me, eyes wide. “How could you say that?”
“Come on, seriously. You were afraid to come by yourself and knew I