Secret Daughter by Shilpi Somaya Gowda Read Free Book Online Page A

the world.”
    Maybe there was a reason for all our pain. Perhaps this is what we’re meant to do.

11
SPEND AND SAVE
    Palghar, India—1985
K AVITA
    T HE MORNING OF THE PROCEDURE , K AVITA IS ANXIOUS, HER stomach unsettled. She holds a protective hand over her swelling abdomen as they approach the clinic. Outside the door is a placard— SPEND 200 RUPEES NOW AND SAVE 20,000 RUPEES LATER —a transparent reference to avoiding the wedding dowry associated with a daughter. Other than this, the nondescript door through which they pass could belong to a tailor or a shoe shop. Inside, pairs of women and men stand together. Kavita notices she is the farthest along in her pregnancy, now in her fifth month.
    Jasu approaches the desk clerk and exchanges words, then pulls a bundle of bills and coins from his pocket and hands it over. The clerk counts the cash, stashes it in a metal box, and with a sideways jerk of his head, sends Jasu back to the waiting area. Kavita shifts over to make space for him against the wall. While they wait, she keeps her eyes focused on the rough concrete floor. The sound of muffled sobs compels her to look up, and she sees a woman rushing toward the front door from the back of the clinic. The woman’s sari is drapedover her head, and a solemn man follows behind her. Kavita looks back down at the spot on the floor, and out of the corner of her eye, sees Jasu’s toes squirming.
    The clerk calls out their name and jerks his head toward the back of the clinic. When they pass through the single door, they find themselves in a room just large enough to hold a makeshift examination table and a cart with a machine. The technician hands several papers to Jasu that neither of them can read and instructs Kavita to lie down on the table. The gel he spreads on her belly is cold and uncomfortable. She feels a surprising pang of gratitude when Jasu stands beside her. As the technician moves the device around her firm belly, they both try to make sense of the grainy black-and-white images. Jasu squints at the screen, tilts his head, and glances anxiously over at the technician several times for a clue as to what lies in Kavita’s womb. After several minutes, the technician says, “Congratulations, a healthy boy.”
    “Wah!” Jasu shouts, laughing. He slaps the technician on the shoulder and kisses Kavita on the forehead, a rare public gesture of affection. Kavita’s only reaction is relief.
     
    I N THE WEEKS AFTER THE PROCEDURE, WHEN THE REALIZATION slowly sets in that she will be able to keep this baby, Kavita finally allows herself to feel a connection to the child. This feeling gives way to a cautious anticipation, aided by the unbridled enthusiasm of her husband. Jasu’s behavior changes after that day at the clinic. He begins giving up his extra rotlis at dinner so she will have more to eat, and he makes sure she rests when he notices her holding her lower back. At night, when they lie in bed, he rubs her swollen feet with coconut oil and sings softly to her growing belly. She knows much of the change in his behavior is because she is carrying a boy, but she wants to believe it is not the only reason. As Jasu tends to her in thelast few months of her pregnancy, Kavita feels her remaining coldness for him melt away. She sees his capacity to be a caring husband, a good father. He too has changed since that first night in the birthing hut nearly two years ago. Kavita knows she cannot blame him entirely for what happened. He is no different or worse than the other men in the village, where sons are favored and always have been.
     
    I T IS CLEAR THEIR SON WILL BE NO EXCEPTION . H IS ARRIVAL IS anticipated by all those in the family. Everything is different this time. Kavita is fed and pampered up until her first labor pains, and the midwife is called right away to provide her support. Jasu stays outside the door and rushes to her side as soon as he hears the baby’s first cries. In the way of tradition, Jasu