SECRET Revealed by L. Marie Adeline Read Free Book Online Page B

stripped on the way to the bathroom, turned on the shower, stepped in and let the hot water hit my skin. I stayed like that for a long time, forehead against the tiles, not able to feel my tears. I must have scalded my skin a little because when I finally got out, it hurt to dry off. As I was throwing my hair in a towel, my phone rang in the next room.
    Maybe it was Will and this was all a big misunderstanding and he was on his way over because while unloading the Cassie’s sign, all he could think about was how muchhe loved me. Or it was Jesse checking up on me while a beautiful girl lay napping next to him. When call display showed it was Matilda, I felt relief before I even heard the sound of her calm voice.
    “Cassie, you’ve been on my mind all day. How are you doing?”
    I told her everything, recounting what Will had said last night, today and what he had decided going forward. Matilda sighed deeply. There was a longer than usual pause before she began to speak.
    “This is not an indictment of Will, Cassie, but some men still don’t believe that a woman’s sexual appetite can be as important to satisfy as theirs. Or they don’t believe a woman’s sex life can or should be as varied, complex and interesting. Which baffles me, because, I mean, who are these men having sex with?”
    I wasn’t in the mood for sexual politics or a long discussion about Will’s chauvinism or the dreaded double standard.
    “I get all that, Matilda. But the thing is, my heart’s just busted,” I said, letting more tears flow. “I love him. And he doesn’t love me anymore.”
    She let me blubber for a few moments.
    “I wouldn’t be too sure of that.”
    “Then what do I do?”
    “Nothing. And I sure hope you didn’t apologize, because you’ve done nothing wrong. Your sexual history is your business. Your stint in S.E.C.R.E.T. would have benefited him. It’s his loss, Cassie.”
    “So I do nothing?”
    “Well, do what I always suggest you do when you’re in pain. Get on with living your life as best you can. And remember he’s just a man, a human being. Don’t let this stall your great progress. Get on with things. See what happens. Live your life.”
    “I don’t know what to do with myself right now.”
    “The Committee could use your help.”
    I had quit S.E.C.R.E.T. a month ago when I chose to pursue a relationship with Will. And though I had been happy to leave, a part of me missed the camaraderie, the sheer fun I had with those women, let alone the men. But another part of me was mad at S.E.C.R.E.T.; I hadn’t yet reconciled my past in the organization with my present dilemma.
    I stalled. “There’s a new candidate?”
    “Not yet,” she said, “but I met someone intriguing at the charity event last night.”
    “Who?”
    “I haven’t approached her yet. But Jesse’s rejoined, so I’m sure that—”
    “Jesse’s back in S.E.C.R.E.T.?” Why did this slightly sicken me?
    “Yes, he is.”
    “When did that happen? I thought he quit too.”
    “He did. But then he was also feeling at loose ends after you two ended it, and he decided to come back to a place that gave him comfort and distraction and a little joy. S.E.C.R.E.T. helped
you
get over lost love, didn’t it?”
    “It did.”
    “And it can help you again, if you let it. Besides, this is our last go-around. I’m afraid we’ve run out of money, and after our next candidate S.E.C.R.E.T. must shut its doors.”
    I glanced around my tiny attic apartment in the Spinster Hotel and at Dixie now lazily pawing dust motes in the sun.
    “I don’t have much to give,” I said.
    “Think about it,” Matilda advised. “Meanwhile, don’t quit a good job over a bad relationship. Never give any man that much power. There are opportunities buried in all this heartbreak. You just have to look for them.”

SOLANGE
    I had spent that lazy Sunday morning with the papers, sipping coffee in bed while Gus lay splayed at my feet, playing video games, something I