Secrets by Danielle Steel Read Free Book Online Page B

She was probably in need of a fix. These days he knew she was using first thing in the morning. That doesn't mean anything ' you know that. I just needed some money ' that's all'
    Guess what, so did I, but I didn't hop down to Sunset Strip to sell my ass to the first john who came along. Somehow that isn't exactly how I envisioned our marriage. He was suddenly angry at her. Just thinking about it made the hurt and the rage course through him again. He had always thought of her as an innocent child, a child with a terrible habit. But it was much worse than that, it was a life-style based on a suicidal obsession.
    I'm sorry. The words were barely audible, a breath in the still room as the dog panted in his bed in a corner of the kitchen. I'm sorry about everything. She stood up nervously, as though suddenly facing a stranger. And she looked as though she were going out. He had seen that look before. That look that says I need it now ' no matter what you say' . The look that had destroyed their marriage.
    Where are you going?
    I have to go out. She was still wearing her clothes from the night before and she hadn't combed her hair or brushed her teeth. She just picked up her handbag and looked around, and Bill had the feeling that she was going for the last time and he was suddenly frightened. He stood up and put down the paper as he looked at her.
    For chrissake, Sandy, you just got busted last night. Will you lay off?
    I just have to see someone for a little while. He took two quick strides and crossed the small kitchen to grab her arm and hold her there.
    Don't feed me that shit anymore. I'm taking you to the hospital right now. Right now! And I don't give a damn if you never see me again, but you're not going to go on like this until you OD in some stinking shooting gallery or someone sticks a knife in you somewhere. Do you hear me? She was suddenly crying, with regret, with the sickness, with all she felt for him, and the terrible pull of the drugs, and he was crying too, as he pulled her into his arms and began to sob, wondering where the girl he had loved had gone to.
    I'm so sorry, Billy ' I'm so sorry ' No one had ever called him that before, and it tore at his heart now. He wanted so badly to save her.
    Please, babe ' I'll stay with you all day ' I'll stay at the hospital with you. We'll do whatever we have to. But she only shook her head as the tears coursed down her cheeks.
    I can't '
    Why not?
    I'm not strong enough. Her words were the merest whisper, and he pulled her closer to him. There was nothing left of her but bone, but he didn't care. He knew that deep down he still loved her.
    Yes, you are. I'll be strong enough for both of us.
    You can't. She pulled slowly away from him, their tears mingling on her cheeks, and she reached up and smoothed his hair away from his eyes with a pale, trembling hand. I have to do it myself ' when I'm ready' .
    When will that be?
    I don't know ' not yet' .
    He felt a hand clutch his heart. It was like watching her die. I can't wait anymore, Sandy' . He had never regretted anything so much in his life, but he knew that he couldn't help her.
    I know ' I know. She nodded and then stood on tiptoe to kiss his lips, and as she turned from him, he saw that she was no longer wearing their wedding band. And he suddenly realized that she must have sold it. She stood looking at him for a moment, as the dog whined softly behind him, echoing how Bill felt, and then quietly, she was gone, and this time, he didn't stop her. He knew he couldn't have anyway. There was nothing he could do. Nothing. He wiped the tears from his cheeks, and fought back waves of fresh tears as he went to brush his teeth, remembering how it had once been ' how pretty she had been ' how crazy they were about each other ' they had met only two years before, and now it seemed a lifetime ago ' a lifetime in the depths of hell with a woman he had once loved, and still did, although she was long gone. The woman who had been