Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Family, Real Love by Jill Zarin, Lisa Wexler, Gloria Kamen Read Free Book Online

did! So much for keeping secrets.... ■
    ask yourself
    1. What secrets are you willing to keep in a friendship?
    2. Did you ever break a confidence? Why? Did you feel guilty about it?
No-No 5: Getting Too Close for Comfort
    There is one more unforgivable that we ought to mention. Sometimes adults behave like immature adolescents out of their own need for love or drama. If so, they may do the unforgivable and make eyes at a friend’s husband. If you cross that line, there is no going back.
    Lisa’s Story
    When Bill and I were first married, we lived across the way from an attractive couple with whom we became friends. One day, and one day only, I spotted this “friend” getting a little too cozy with Bill. Something about the way she looked at him made me wary. Who knows if anything would have happened? The point is—you take no chances. We never, ever socialized again with this couple, even though they were hard to avoid in our tight-knit condo community. Bill protested that I was making a big deal out of nothing, but I think he was flattered by the whole episode because this girl was very attractive and I gave up our friendship with this couple because of the threat. You just never can be too careful—and when it comes to my husband, my claws come out. ■
    ask yourself
    1. Have you ever committed one of these no-nos?
    2. What sins can’t you forgive in a friend?
    3. How willing are you to overlook flaws or sins in order to keep a friendship going?

The Gray Areas . . .
    Even if you follow our four basic rules that are intended to help you keep your friendships solid, in life you still encounter a multitude of situations in the gray area. These are the moments where you might be forced to turn the other cheek if you feel wronged, or on the other hand decide whether your efforts in this friendship are worth your time. We cite just a couple of examples here—the drama of parties and the reality of keeping in touch.
GRAY AREA 1: IT’S HER PARTY AND I’LL CRY IF I WANT TO....
    What happens when you are not invited to a party your friend is throwing? Ah, that classic gray area. Here is the judgment call: Is the party an intimate gathering or something to which many people are invited? If it is a big affair, then of course your feelings will be hurt if you are excluded. On the other hand, be fair—if you’ve ever thrown a wedding or Bar Mitzvah, you might even have had your own “A list” stamped and your “B list” ready for those who returned their response cards early with a no. You can’t always invite everyone, even if you want to. Neither can your friends.
GRAY AREA 2: KEEPING IN TOUCH
    We all know the hallmark of a good friendship is communication, but we have many good friends with whom we simply do not keep in touch on a regular basis. Let’s face it—your dynamic, interesting friends are busy. If you haven’t heard from someone in months, and you miss her, pick up the phone and start the conversation as if you just spoke with her yesterday. She probably has a really good reason for why she hasn’t been in touch—why not find out what it is?
    We hate when friends make us feel guilty that we haven’t spoken to them in a while. Here’s how it’s done: Your friend whom you haven’t spoken with in three months calls you up and instead of saying “Hello—I miss you, how are you?” the first thing she says is “Hi—how come I haven’t heard from you in so long?” These types of conversations immediately make you defensive and also remind you why this particular friendship is such a pain in your tuchas. If this happens to you, you could respond with “Why haven’t I heard from you? Couldn’t you pick up a phone also?” But what you will do instead is sputter some sort of speech about just how busy you’ve been. Who needs that? Real friends pick up where they left off with no need to make each other explain or apologize.

When to Say When
    Friendships are some of the most difficult