Seven Wicked Nights by Courtney Milan Read Free Book Online Page B

feel uncomfortable. What was he planning?
    Her mother’s explanation had devolved into one of those uncomfortable moments where she simply listed the formulae in her head—she could perform derivations aloud almost as easily as on paper. This was often the point when people started laughing into their hands. And when Lady Stockhurst started in on a string of
x-noughts
, Westfeld finally did look away: he glanced at Elaine. She saw no mischief brimming in his eyes.
    The worst possibility of all occurred to her.
    What if he wasn’t planning anything? What if he had meant it when he’d apologized to her? What if…what if he’d kissed her because he wanted to do so?
    Those thoughts started a nervous flutter in her belly.
    And then Lady Cosgrove yawned audibly and stretched. “Goodness,” she said, “How we
do
indulge our elders in their foibles.”
    Lady Stockhurst stopped mid-phrase and glanced uncertainly at Elaine.
    “Don’t be rude, Diana,” Westfeld said mildly. The expression on his face hadn’t changed, not one bit, but Elaine felt her stomach knot. “I was hoping that Lady Stockhurst would be so kind as to forward me a copy of her remarks. I have a friend who might have some interest.”
    In response to this, her mother gave a gracious nod.
    What if he didn’t hate her? If he didn’t, then last night…
    But she was not the only one thinking along those lines. “Don’t tell me you’re
interested
,” Lady Cosgrove spat. “Everyone
knows
what you think of Lady Elaine and her mother. We’ve all heard it before.”
    Westfeld’s eyes darkened. He turned to face his cousin. “No.
Nobody
knows. But as you’re bored with mathematics, perhaps I should tell you that story instead.”
    The entire room went silent. Elaine didn’t dare breathe, for fear that her dress would shift and the sound would interrupt him. Her heart had seemed to stop in her chest.
    “You see,” Westfeld said, “ten years ago, I met a lady. She was very pretty and quite fearless. She spoke her mind, and she laughed with abandon. I fell in love with her over the course of about an evening.”
    It
had
to turn into a joke.
    But he didn’t look like he was joking. “I was nineteen at the time, and therefore foolish. And so, to my mind, there were two important things I had to do. First, I had to make her notice me in the way I noticed her. I wanted her to look for me every time she walked into a room. I wanted her to miss me when I wasn’t there. I wanted her to be aware at every second of where I stood.” He paused. “Also,” he said, “being a young man, and thus having no thoughts to speak of, it seemed of utmost importance that nobody know I had fallen in love. If they knew, I would be embarrassed. And that would have heralded the end of the world.”
    It wasn’t a joke. Elaine felt the palms of her hands grow cold.
    “Somehow,” he continued, raising his head and looking directly into her eyes, “what started with those simple requirements—make her notice me, but guarantee that nobody understood how I felt—turned into the cruelest thing I have ever done to another human. I started to poke fun at her laugh. At first, it was one of those things I said to explain why I was staring at her—‘Good heavens, have you all noticed how Lady Elaine laughs?’ And then, as everyone eagerly took part, I found myself helpless to stop it.”
    It wasn’t an excuse. It wasn’t an apology. It just
was
, and she didn’t know how to take this much truth.
    He stopped and shook his head. His lips thinned. “No. I wasn’t
helpless
. I could have stopped at any time. I was merely too weak to do so. I wish I could say I just kept my mouth shut, but I didn’t. I was the worst of the lot. I made up half the cruel names. I would go up to her, speak to her face, just for the thrill of talking with her—and as soon as someone looked my way, I’d slip in an insult, so nobody would think I cared.”
    Elaine’s entire world had been