Shimmer by Hilary Norman Read Free Book Online Page B

‘I could never hate you. You know that.’
    â€˜I do,’ Claudia agreed. ‘But still.’
    It was almost eleven, and they were in the den, a room often used by Grace in the past – and, she hoped, in the future – for seeing her young patients, its walls covered with their own brightly coloured paintings; though for now it, too, had a playpen and a stack of soft toys – one of which Joshua, dressed in comfy blue and white rompers, was now contentedly snuggling up to after a fine game of ‘find the rattle’ with his Aunt Claudia.
    â€˜Do you want to tell me about it?’ Grace asked.
    She felt more than a little shocked, and mad at herself, too, for feeling that way, because as a psychologist, she knew she ought to know better. Except, of course, this was not a patient, this was her own sister, so she guessed she was entitled to feel a degree of shock, because Claudia had her sons to consider, and so far as Grace knew, with the possible exception that he might have railroaded his wife into relocating to Seattle, Daniel had always been a decent man, a good husband and father.
    Things change , she reminded herself.
    â€˜It’s all over,’ Claudia said. ‘It was almost before it began.’
    It sounded crazily simple, as she told it. She had been at a very low ebb, low enough to be in a park on the island having a weep, when this man had stopped to ask if she needed help, and he was a stranger, but he was also kind and attractive.
    â€˜So you had an affair?’ Grace could not conceal her amazement. ‘On the basis of a pick-up in a park?’
    â€˜Do you want me to tell you or not?’ Claudia asked quietly. ‘Because I’m finding this very hard, and I doubt that you could disapprove of me any more than I already do myself.’
    â€˜I’m not disapproving,’ Grace said, knowing that wasn’t entirely true. ‘More surprised, I guess. And of course I want you to tell me.’
    â€˜There’s not much more to tell,’ Claudia said. ‘It was very brief, but also very sweet. And, in some respects, good for me.’
    â€˜OK,’ Grace said, and waited for her sister to go on.
    â€˜I’d been feeling so cold,’ Claudia said, ‘as if nothing could ever really warm me through again, and then suddenly there he was, and we had this connection , which I know sounds like a terrible cliché, but . . .’
    â€˜Go on,’ Grace said after a moment.
    â€˜I knew right away – and I told him – that it was never going to be more than that, just those moments, nothing else.’ Claudia shook her head. ‘But truly, sis, he did make that cold go away for a little while, and though I guess he was using me, in a way, I was much guiltier of that than he was, and he knew that and he was OK with it, he was very kind to me about it.’
    â€˜Do you want to tell me his name?’ Grace’s first shock had given way now to a strange kind of intrigue.
    â€˜Kevin,’ Claudia said. ‘He’s from Australia.’ She looked into her sister’s blue eyes for an instant, found the even gaze too hard to cope with, looked away again. ‘Do you mind if I don’t tell you any more about him than that?’
    Grace found that she did mind, because it seemed to emphasize the distance that had opened up between them over time. ‘It’s up to you how much you want to share.’
    The door opened a little wider, and Woody came into the room and settled with a soft grunt of contentment on the rug beside the playpen.
    â€˜My guilt,’ Claudia said. ‘That’s what I think I need to share most.’
    â€˜From my point of view,’ Grace said, slowly, ‘what I’d like you to feel able to share with me is why you were feeling so cold in the first place.’
    â€˜Loneliness,’ Claudia said. ‘Silly bitch that I am, with a good husband and two great