Sins of the Flesh (Exposed Series Book 1) by Hazel Kelly Read Free Book Online Page A

entirely true. I know I had a choice. There was
a split second somewhere along the line when I could’ve either stopped eating
or had one more bite. And that one bite too many is what made me lose control.
    Then I had to binge and purge. Because it’s always all or
nothing with me. I’m either hungry or I’m full. There is no middle ground.
    Unfortunately, throwing up thick hunks of mozzarella cheese is
pretty hard on the throat. Cause it doesn’t break up well when you chew it. It
stays chunky. That’s why I had to come home and eat all the cookies and the ice
cream. Because they’re delicious going in, and they help lubricate my throat on
their way out.
    Plus, since Oreos are black, they make it easy to tell when I’ve
purged everything.
    I know it’s disgusting. I’m not proud that I do it. I don’t
think it’s cool that I know the calories in every kind of food and what it
looks like partially digested.
    I know it’s fucked up and it could kill me eventually if I don’t
stop. And I know there’s much better ways I could be spending my time and
energy than binging, hating myself, and purging for hours every day.
    I mean, if I was a normal girl having a normal end to a normal
day, I would’ve been doing my homework. Or trying to figure out if anyone had
confirmed whether Becca really gave Trey head on the train. Or icing my
shoulder because I messed it up in the weight room.
    Instead, I followed up a nice day out at The Secret Life of
Walter Mitty with another predictable episode of The Secret Life of Kate.
    I wasn’t looking forward to purging, though. I never did.
Fortunately, I stopped and bought diet pills on the way home. So if I absorbed
some calories before I got around to throwing up, at least I could give my
metabolism a boost in the right direction. Just as soon as I emptied my guts. 
    I used to rely on laxatives to do that, but they made me feel
horrible. I almost shat myself at lacrosse practice one day when I took too
many. Plus, I’m convinced they screwed with my potassium levels cause I used to
get these awful cramps in my legs when I would take them.
    So I stopped. Because I like to believe I’m more committed to
the lacrosse team than I am to my eating disorder.
    Just as well I don’t have to choose.
    But it is tiring trying to hide it from my friends and family.
Especially my Mom. I don’t get how she doesn’t know. I mean, she does all the
grocery shopping. So she knows better than anyone how quickly food goes missing
around here.
    Does she really think lacrosse could be burning off the insane
number of calories I consume? She must be in denial. Or maybe she just thinks
it’s Chris and his friends.
    Regardless, sneaking around makes me feel so two-faced. And I’ve
become such a compulsive liar to hide it. But I must be doing a good job
because most of the time, I feel like I’m all alone with my eating disorder.
    It’s like we’re handcuffed together, and I have to keep it alive
by feeding it and making it throw up. It’s like I’m hosting a parasite. Except
it takes a lot of effort on my part.
    It’s gotten so out of control, the only time I forget about it
is when I’m drunk.
    But I can’t tell anyone how sick and unhappy I am. It’s too
soon. I’m not ready. And even if I were, I don’t think my bulimia wouldn't let
me.

Chapter 10: Dawn
     
        
    Thomas was wearing a hunter green shirt with khakis when he
arrived. As usual. I wondered if he was capable of more creativity when it came
to saving his marriage than I’d seen him demonstrate with his dress sense.  
    So on my suggestion, he arrived alone to the session. I figured
that was the only way I would ever understand his position. After all, neither
of us could get a word in when Judy was there assassinating his character.
    “Hello,” I said, gesturing to the leather couch opposite me.
“How are you today?”
    “Nothing new to complain about anyway.”
    I laughed. “Well, we can’t always make