Six Steps to a Girl by Sophie McKenzie Read Free Book Online Page A

kitchen. Mum was out and Chloe was up in her room. I slumped into one of the kitchen chairs and drummed my fingers on the table. “Well?”
    Ryan sat down. “You gotta have an Angle. That’s Step Three. Some way of positioning yourself – like a brand in a shop. Some way of standing out from the crowd – a way that’s particularly meaningful for whoever it is you’re after.”
    I shook my head. Ryan talked as much rubbish as Ms Patel in the Art Club. “What the hell are you going on about?”
    “Don’t you see?” Ryan leaned forwards. “Ben’s pushing Eve to go all the way with him.”
    I glared at him. “Thanks for the newsflash. I think I’d worked that out for myself.”
    “But she doesn’t want to. Even you must have seen that.”
    “But Ben said—”
    “What else was he gonna say, man? He was trying to look cool in front of his stupid mates.”
    “So how does that help me?” I said.
    “Well, that’s your Angle. If you wanna get her away from Ben, you’ve got to be the guy who doesn’t push. The guy who’s respectful. Maybe even a bit aloof.”
    I frowned. “So what you’re saying is that the way to get her is to pretend I’m not interested.”
    “No.” Ryan put his elbows on the table and lowered his head despairingly into his hands. “Why d’you have to make this such hard work? You make it clear you’re interested, but you don’t push. You let her come to you. It’s perfect. After all, your biggest problem is coming across as this eager little kid. But with this Angle you’re overcoming that and blowing Ben out of the water at the same time.”
    The doorbell rang. “That’ll be Tones,” Ryan said. “I invited him round for Step Four revision – it’s his weakest point.”
    “Great,” I said, sarcastically. “It’s only my house. Invite who you like.”
    Ryan grinned. “Well I would have said come to mine, but you and your sister are still grounded, aren’t you?”
    The doorbell rang again.
    “Are you getting that?” Chloe screeched from upstairs.
    Step Four was Humour. Ryan was convinced that making a girl laugh got you halfway to everything else. “Of course,” he said, pacing up and down the kitchen. “Numbers doesn’t bother much with Steps Four onwards, but if you want to get someone hot you’re gonna need something special.”
    Tones nodded seriously from the kitchen table. “I bin trying, Ry,” he said. “D’you wanna hear this joke I learned?” Ryan gazed at him fondly – rather like a mother duck might look at a particularly hopeless duckling. “Tones, we talked about this.” He sighed. “Telling jokes is not your strong point. For you, it’s gotta be low key. Like saying Mr Hedges has gotta face like a potato.”
    Tones grinned. “That’s a good one. I’ll remember that.”
    I shook my head as Ryan sat down beside Tones. A sense of humour wasn’t something you could teach.
    “Right, chat me up, Tones,” Ryan said. “And be funny.”
    Tones did his best, but privately I thought he would have learned more if Ryan had given him another couple of observations about the teachers. Still, Tones seemed pleased, especially when Ryan told him he was really improving.
    After about ten minutes Ryan turned to me. “You take over for a bit,” he said.
    “Me?”
    “Yeah, you’re already good at this sort of thing.” Ryan smiled. “Anyway, I gotta have a crap, so I may be some time.”
    “Nice.” I made a face, then slipped into the chair Ryan had vacated.
    As Tones droned on with some interminable story about how he had been amusingly rude to his maths teacher – a story I suspected he had witnessed rather than actively participated in – my mind drifted off to Eve and whether Ryan was right about the Angle thing.
    “. . . so d’you think that’ll work, Luke?”
    I blinked, taking a second to register Tones was speaking to me.
    “Sure,” I said, then, feeling guilty, lied: “Ryan’s right. You’re doing great.”
    Tones grinned