Something Fierce by David Drayer Read Free Book Online Page B

look so deeply into her eyes scared the hell out of her. There were so many things she didn’t want him to see. Secrets. Lies. Shameful things that she didn’t want to think about…or talk about. Then he tightened his grip around her and stood up. She wrapped her legs around his waist. He carried her into the living room and laid her down on the couch without separating from her. His eyes were so soft and open as he moved inside of her that she couldn’t close her eyes or look away. It was terrifying and wonderful. She felt closer to him in that moment than she’d ever felt to another living soul.
    That was when the attack started. She closed her eyes, but it was too late. The horrible sensation of falling into darkness was upon her; the room had started to spin and she couldn’t breathe. Her heart was going like mad. She started pounding her hips up into him. “Come,” she said, finding her voice and demanding, “I want you to come now .”
    He stopped moving, though she kept her hips going. “Kerri?” he said, looking confused. She felt like a fucking idiot and started to cry. Her heart went faster and faster. She felt like she was going to die. “Get off of me!”
    “What?”
    “Get,” she coughed, bawling now, “off of me!” She thought she was going to be sick.
    “Kerri! What’s the matter!?”
    “My heart!” she cried, trying to catch her breath. “My heart…it’s beating too fast…too fast.”
    “Kerri, look at me!” he shouted, in a voice she’d never heard from him before.
    “My heart…”
    He slid off of the couch and on to his knees, leaning over her. “Look at me!” he demanded again and she did. He looked determined, more serious than she’d ever seen him, which frightened her and gave her something to grab on to at the same time. “Your heart is okay.”
    “No!” she shook her head, “No…”
    “Shhh, listen to me, Kerri,” he said, laying his hand over her heart. “Your heart is okay.”
    “It’s beating too fast—”
    “It is beating fast,” he said, “I can feel it. But you are not in danger. I promise you. It’s okay.”
    “No,” she said, shaking her head.
    “Look at me,” he said, and again, she did. “I promise you. It’s perfectly healthy and strong and we are going to slow it down right now. Okay. Take a deep breath.” He took one himself and she followed. She kept looking into his eyes. They took a second breath. She could feel her heart beating into his outstretched hand, like he was holding it, protecting it. “Feel that?” he smiled. “It’s slowing down.” He laughed. “You are doing it. You are slowing it down.”
    “You,” she said, feeling everything coming back to normal as suddenly as it had gone out of control.
    “No. I swear I didn’t. It was you. All you.”
    He held her for a while like that on the couch, his robe around them as a makeshift blanket. It was a special moment, but she couldn’t hold on. It was disappearing and then it was gone.
    She had explained that she used to suffer from panic attacks in early adolescence and her doctor had assured her that there was nothing wrong , that it was something that some people occasionally experienced in times of stress or excitement and that she hadn’t had one in years. Seth had kissed the top of her head and told her that it was okay. He seemed to understand, but as she opened her eyes now, on Erie Street in downtown Willoughby, she felt sure that he was only being kind. He was kind, but not stupid, not stupid enough to come back once he got away. She was who she was and he was out of her league.
    The constant chatter of her mind was coming back, telling her that she should stop stalling and go home, that she should feel guilty about the big breakfast, that she should purge or take a laxative or workout. It reminded her of how lonely the house was going to be. How it was lonely even when the whole family was there, but now, with her mother at work and Timmy at school, and her