Stainless Steel Rat 11: The Stainless Steel Rat Returns by Harry Harrison Read Free Book Online Page A

decks—then up, up and away . . .
    My pleasant dreams faded as I realized that my arm was being gently patted. I opened a gummy eye to see a smiling Angelina standing over me.
    “Time to wake up. I’ve put the coffee on.”
    Sunlight streamed in through the windows. My neck hurt where I crunched it when I had slipped down in the chair.
    “Good news . . .” I croaked, then coughed hoarsely.
    “Save it until you are more lifelike,” she cozened.
    Good advice. I staggered into the shower room, hurled my clothes in the direction of the laundrybot—which snatched them out of the air—and dived into the shower, which inundated me as sweet music filled the air.
    Washed, scrubbed, depilated, refreshed—I sat at the table and sipped at my coffee.
    “Good news?” Angelina asked, raising one quizzical eyebrow.
    “The best. I have found the planet of choice, a world that will welcome us with open arms, settle our friends, aid them and provide them with all the necessities for a happy future.”
    “Named . . . ?”
    “Mechanistria. Just enter that into the computer, then sit back and be enthralled.”
    While she did that I whistled at the stove, gave it my order and tucked into an ample breakfast the instant it slid steaming onto the table before me.
    “Just for a change you didn’t lie or exaggerate,” Angelina said entering the room with an armful of brochures from the printout. I was in too good a mood to defend this mild attack on my veracity and only smiled as I munched a mouthful. She sighed.
    “I will be sorry to see them go, but it will be for their own benefit in the long run.”
    Sorry! I choked, gurgled, drank some coffee, smiled, spoke.
    “See—it all came right in the end!”

CHAPTER 7
     
    I must say that our good captain Kirpal organized our departure with military precision. For two days he did not appear to sleep as he goaded the laboring technicians into frenzied activity. Loads of equipment arrived and were seized by eager hands. Without being asked he had torn out a number of cabins and had rebuilt them as a luxury suite for Angelina and me—complete with adjacent barroom. Welding sparks flew high, drills roared, hammers clanged, porcuswine squealed in angry answer. We went home to pack and I resorted to drink. I was not charmed by the thought of our coming flight. Moolaplenty had never looked better. I raised my glass at the thought of its myriad soon-to-vanish delights.
    For all too quickly I would soon be many moons away from its warm embrace. I drank deeply to fond memories. Relaxed, muttered, dozed and sipped some more as darkness descended.
    An indefinite period of time later, I awoke to find Angelina grasping my nose. I opened my mouth to register my protest and she popped a sizable pill into it. Followed by a healthy glug of water. I gasped, recoiled, vibrated like a strummed string on a bass viol as smoke trickled from my ears. I shuddered and writhed as the Sobering Effect pill had its sobering effect.
    “Did you have to do that?” I croaked.
    “Yes. I have been informed that the departure celebration on the ship is winding down and takeoff is scheduled to take place as soon as we arrive. We leave.”
    We left. The front door crunched tight behind us as a stasis field sealed it into place. Our chauffeur saluted as he held the limo door open for us. Efficiency ruled as well at the spaceport. We admired the polished and rust-free
Porcuswine Express
as it shone in the sunlight. As we approached it the elevator came down and James stepped off waving cheerfully.
    “Have a great trip to your porcuswine paradise. I’ll expect glowing reports.”
    His mother embraced him; his father exchanged hearty handshakes. Then we waved cheerful good-byes as he vanished into the sunset. I turned back, concealing a quavering sigh, to our interstellar sty. We stepped aboard the access gantry and the elevator bore us swiftly towards what, I am sure, would be an interesting future. The airlock door