Whoever she is, you’re probably too scared to call her up,” I teased.
“Maybe.” Carlos looked away.
Brent came up to us then. “Jujube — I’ve got to get something for the band from my car. Come with me to get it?”
Carlos watched us leave without a word. Sometimes deep dark moods drop down on him like the dead of night. Then it’s like talking to someone in a coma. Atthe door, I turned and waved to him. He was still watching us.
Outside, Brent took my hand and we ran through the February cold. It was minus ten — not bad if you’re wearing a jacket. Brent shivered as he unlocked the car door.
“Quick — get in. No, not the front, the back,” he said.
I dove into the back seat, thinking this must be where the band equipment was. Brent crawled in after me, then pulled the car door closed.
“God, it’s cold.” He leaned over the front seat and started the car. Then he dropped back and pulled me in against him. Suddenly, I was warm all over. In the dark, close to him like that, it was easy for things to happen. His mouth went soft as I brushed mine back and forth across it. I put my hand on his throat and felt the way his low moans moved under my fingers.
“I lied,” he whispered.
“What?” The school, the dance, the other kids had faded away.
Brent laughed into my ear. “I didn’t have to get anything. I just wanted a chance to talk to you.”
“About what?” Suddenly, I heard Carlos in my head. Mr. Warp Speed , I thought.
“This,” Brent said, kissing my throat. He started to fiddle with the top button of my shirt. “Let me make this very clear,” he added.
As soon as we’d started kissing, I’d known Brent didn’t have to get anything for the band. It hadn’t mattered — I wasn’t about to check out of a dream come true. But now, there was something about his tone and laugh that bothered me. It was as if Brent thought he’d pulled one over on me — as if I was some beginner he had to explain things to.
“Hey, just a sec,” I said, pullingback a little. The good feeling was sliding away. We felt like two very separate bodies in the back of a very cold car again. I started thinking about carbon monoxide poisoning. I was too young to die… for love or sex.
“C’mon, Jujube. I’ve really liked you for a long time now,” Brent said.
“Yeah, me too.” But I was tucking in my shirt. I wanted to think. There was a bad feeling crawling around my stomach that wouldn’t go away.
“So, no prob — right?” He tried to kiss me again. The feeling in my stomach grew.
“No!”
“What are you afraid of ?”
“I’m not afraid.” And I wasn’t. There was something I knew I wanted to think about, but I couldn’t get at it.
“Girls are always a bit afraid of this,” he said.
How would you know? Have you ever been a girl? I thought. My voice came out differently than I wanted it to — angry.
“I’m not into diving into things at warp speed, Brent. Let’s go back in, O.K.?” I said.
Chapter Two
Before I knew it, Carlos’s nickname had come out of my mouth. Brent stared at me like he’d been hit hard.
“What’d you say? Warp speed?” He sounded as if it hurt him to speak.
I realized he’d heard that nickname before—a lot. “Nothing. It’s just, like, we don’t have to do everything tonight, right?”
That wasn’t what I’d meant to say.I’d liked what we were doing just as much as he had. But words were coming out of my mouth weirdly and I couldn’t figure out how to fix them. It was just that everything suddenly felt wrong.
Brent stared off, his face angry in the dim light coming from the streetlights. When he turned back, the anger was wiped away, his face friendly like always.
“We’ve hardly done everything,” he said.
I flushed. Now I felt stupid.
He leaned back and was quiet for a moment. “Man, you can really make me feel good,” he said softly.
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
We talked for a bit, then he cut the motor and we