Still Surviving by A.M. Johnson Read Free Book Online Page A

routine. I ignored the small detail that today wasn’t different from any other day. Each check mark on the calendar was going to be my “bright new future.” But, the fact that I let my sister die that day so long ago, the fact that my parents still couldn’t forgive me… well, that wasn’t something that faded to the background. Sins like that stayed. Sins like that festered. The blood never washed from my hands.
    I vigorously scrubbed my skin, the pale color now pink from the heat of the water and the aggressive pressure I applied. The tears fell as they always did. The first part of my day was always the hardest. Being alone, left to my own devices, I’d begin to sink. But then I’d remember her, Anna. My little sister. I used to call her Sissy.
    It was hot that day. The bright blue Utah sky was empty of any clouds. My parents asked me to watch Sissy. I was angry because my boyfriend Colton was going to take me to Pineview Reservoir to swim. My little sister was the last person I wanted to be stuck with. She was five years old and I was seventeen. My parents got knocked up with me at a young age. Their inability to use protection made me their burden. I’d been on the pill since I was thirteen; my mother’s way of making sure history didn’t repeat itself.
    Anna had been planned. She was their favorite, and I could see why. She was so easy to love. She was good at everything, smart, beautiful, and to make it even more unfair… she was sweet. She was the kindest little thing you’d ever meet. She’d never cry or whine. She was always pleasant. Her laugh still haunts me.
    Anna’s giggle tinkled as she ran up the stairs. “Tiffany, let’s go swimming!” she shouted.
    I sent a quick text to Colton telling him Pineview was out.
     
    Me : Stuck babysitting, want to come swim here?
     
    “Tiffany.” Anna was out of breath. “Can we go swimming? Please?” She batted her eyelashes at me, and I laughed.
    “Sure, Sissy. Go get your swimsuit on. I’ll be ready in a minute. Colt might come, too. But don’t tell Mom or Dad, okay?” I winked at her.
    “Yay. I won’t” She ran out of my room like a freight train, slamming the door behind her.
    My phone chirped.
     
    Colton: Be over in a few.
     
    Colton was four years older than me. He was in college and was able to buy beer, which made him the best boyfriend ever. Sure he was a jerk sometimes, maybe a little rougher than I would prefer when we were together, but he loved me and he was my first. I didn’t have anything to compare it to. My parents didn’t like him at all. They said he was too old for me, that I needed to concentrate on school, on cheering, and on getting into a good college. I was quick to remind them that they had me when they were sixteen so they had no room to talk.
    Besides, cheering was getting old. I hated those “mean” girls. That whole scene wasn’t me. I did it for my mom. She wanted me to be something I wasn’t. I loved art and wanted to go to this fantastic art school in San Francisco, but my parents shot that idea down into the dust. Mr. and Mrs. Webster wanted their daughter to attend the University of Utah, get a degree in something useless, get married, and make babies. The typical Utah culture… I wanted more; I needed to free myself from this cage.
    I quickly slipped on my bright yellow bikini. The vibrant color stood out against my alabaster skin. I heard Anna stomping down the stairs and I hurried, pulling my long black hair up into a messy bun. Opening my bedroom door I called out to her, “Wait for me, Sis.” She was just learning to swim, and I didn’t want her to go into the pool without me.
    “Hurry Tiff!” she squealed, making me giggle. She was squirming by the sliding glass door. All the energy she had was too much to contain in such a little person. She was so full of life.
    My phone chimed and vibrated against the bathroom sink. The memory of my sister smiling, giggling, and so full of happiness hung