apartment.
âIâm really glad for you, Carol Ann. Iâd kinda hoped youâd still be at my place when I got backâ, he murmured.
âWell, maybe you can come round to mine?â I laughed.
By the time Lindsey returned from Aspen, I was all moved in. Iâd decided to leave my furniture and keepsakes from my relationship with John at the house I had shared with him. I wanted nothing from my old life intruding into my new one. I took Claireâs baby book and antique cradle, my clothes, family pictures, and a few pots and pans. Thatâs all. It was the beginning of February 1977 and I was turning the page.
3
GOLD DUST
Since his return from Aspen, Lindsey and I had fallen into a routine. He picked me up every night at 6 P.M. and after a quick dinner weâd return to the privacy of my new apartment. We spent every night togetherâhappy, relaxed, and in love. All of our nights were passionate, and our lovemaking this night had been no exception. I was exhausted and content as I fell asleep in his arms.
In the dead of night, I awoke with a start. The room was bathed in shadows, soft moonlight seeping through the cheap Venetian blinds that covered the large bedroom window. Sensing that something was wrong, my heart started pounding as I sat up quickly in bed, reaching for Lindsey. With a shock, I saw that he was sitting with his knees drawn tightly up against his chest. He had his head lowered and was rocking back and forth.
âAre you all right, baby?â I whispered.
âI guessâ, he answered in a low voice.
I put my hand softly on his shoulder. âDo you want to talk about it?â
Lindsey pushed his tousled curls out of his face and took a deep breath. He tried to laugh, but it sounded more like a moan as he answered, âI have a lot on my mind.â
The tension coming from Lindsey felt like a dark presence in the room. Again he started to rock back and forth and I could sense that he was close to tears. âItâs the tour ⦠Iâm worried about the tour and the rehearsals we have coming up. It was so hard making the album. So many damn fights! Johnâs breakup with Christine and mine with Stevie was a total nightmare. Can we get past all that ugliness and do a tour?â
As I sat and listened to him talk I involuntarily bit my lip at the mention of Stevie. Lindsey had never really talked to me about what happened during the recording of
Rumours.
Heâd told me briefly about John and Christineâs divorce and that he and Stevie had been broken up for a yearbefore we met. Iâd never asked him about the details of his relationship with her. Like everyone else, Iâd heard the songs on the album. The rage, pain, and blatant accusations of infidelities spoke volumes. Listening to him in the dark, I knew that tonight was not the time to ask him to reveal intimate truths.
âI know that all of us are on our best behavior nowâ, he continued in a shaky voice. âWeâve called a truce. I only hope that itâll last. The band has to be tight on stage, Carol. If weâre not, the tour will suck.â
âShhh, baby. Itâs going to be OK. From what I can see, each and every one of you wants this to work. You guys will be ready ⦠if you donât feel that you are, then you can fix that in rehearsals, right?â
He nodded and stared quietly into the darkness.
As I struggled for words to soothe him, I knew that what was happening to the five members of Fleetwood Mac must be as frightening as it was phenomenal, for it was as obvious as it was invisible. Lindsey was about to be crowned a rock ânâ roll superstar. It was a crown that was heavy with expectations. Superstardom and all of its trappings were what heâd been working toward for years but had never expected to possess. And now that it was happening, I knew that he was both aware and afraid that the weight of it might, in a very short time,