Stubborn Heart by Ken Murphy Read Free Book Online Page A

inspiration on what to make for dinner. The first thing he spotted was the bottle of wine Trevor had brought him the other night. He contemplated having a glass, but decided to save it for a time when he and Trevor could share it. He smiled at the thought of relaxing with Trevor, sipping wine, and enjoying each other’s company. Perhaps Friday night would be just the beginning of something special. Obviously Trevor liked him. This might be the first of many dates. Maybe this time would be different.
    Then his stomach seized as if it had been grabbed by claws. Mark suddenly felt flushed and anxious. What if this turned out to be a bad idea? Should he really be going out with someone from work? What if it didn’t work out? What if they slept together? What if this wasn’t any different from the other times? What if it did work out? It would probably be too weird dating someone he worked with so closely. Should he cancel his plans with Trevor? Should he go anyway, but explain that he was not at a place in his life where he could get involved? The more Mark thought about it, the more anxious he became. He paced around the living room, running through various scenarios. Each one ended badly.
    Mark continued to debate over what to do. He knew he wasn’t making any sense, but he couldn’t seem to stop his mind from spinning. Every time he thought he had made a decision, he second-guessed himself. His brain was running in circles. Finally, he decided he needed advice. He picked up the telephone and dialed Carla’s number, hoping he didn’t wake her children.
    “What is it?” Carla asked after picking up the phone on the second ring.
    “Well, hello to you too!” Mark quipped. “Do you always answer your phone like that?”
    “Only when I know it’s you,” Carla said. “So, what’s wrong?”
    “How do you know something is wrong?”
    “Because you called me at home,” Carla explained. “You don’t call me at home unless something is wrong.”
    “Am I that predictable?” Mark asked, sounding defeated.
    “Yep, so spill.”
    Mark told Carla about the plans for Friday night, and his misgivings regarding starting out on the path to who knew what with Trevor. He brought up potential issues and complications. He described scenarios for bad outcomes, each one worse than the one before.
    Finally, Carla had heard enough. “Can you just listen to yourself?” She interrupted him in midsentence. “All you can talk about is what will happen when it doesn’t work out. Well, what if it did work out? Did you ever consider that possibility?”
    “No, I didn’t. Well, yes, a little,” Mark admitted. “It just seems like a bad idea. I’ve never gone out with someone I worked with. What if it feels weird?”
    “Weirder than you are acting now?” Carla’s voice dripped with sarcasm.
    “See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. This is too complicated. We aren’t even dating and it’s already making me crazy. I mean, he’s a doctor and I’m a nurse. We have to work together.”
    “Stop making excuses.” Carla stifled his complaining. “The reason you are having these doubts is that you’re afraid you’ll get hurt again.”
    “That’s not true,” Mark objected feebly. He felt deflated. It was as if Carla had pulled the rug out from beneath him, leaving him flailing on the floor in the middle of all his arguments.
    “Yes, it is, and you know it.” Carla refused to back down. “Mark, he’s not David. Give the man a chance. Hell, it may not even go anywhere at all. But you won’t know if you don’t try.”
    Mark let out a deep breath. “I am afraid. Is it really so wrong to want to protect myself?”
    “No, but hiding in a shell to protect yourself isn’t living either.”
    “You’re not helping me,” Mark protested. He even sounded whiny to himself.
    “Yes. I am. You need to hear the truth. You don’t need me holding your hand while you carry on.” Carla spoke as if talking to one of her