Sunrise Fires by Heather LaBarge Read Free Book Online Page A

thin line. “Yeah. Well. Whatever.” I shrugged, suddenly wanting to run straight into Dullberth’s office and kick him in the dick.
    “Really, Jen? Just ‘whatever’? That’s the summary of your feelings on the matter?”
    “I mean, seriously… what the fuck am I supposed to say?” And then lowering my voice I said, “Dullberth is a dick, and he’s trying to force my hand. It’s manipulative, and you know how I feel about being played. But…” I paused, letting the feelings wash over me, “that fucker bested me, and I have no choice: unemployment or Germany. And both are shitty.”
    She squinted at me and then scoffed. “Are they equally shitty? I mean unemployment is just as bad as a prestigious promotion to start up Huntington’s first ever European chain?” I looked down at those papers on my desk, my jaw set, trying not to be mad at her for pointing out how silly my feelings were. The air hung thick between us. “Look, Jen, this plays well for you. Just go to Germany. It’s a year. What bad can possibly happen in a year? Ryan supports you, right? Wants you to go?”
    “Jackie, don’t… I can’t… I mean,” I sighed. “I love him, and, in a year, maybe he would decide to love somebody else. Is professional success really worth that? Is Huntington’s worth losing the love of my life?”
    “Damn. Low self-image talking there or what?”
    I knew she was right…that my fears were based in my own insecurities and nothing Ryan had ever shown me. “Fuck you for saying it.”
    “I call ’em as I see ’em. You’ve been with Ryan for three years now, and he has given nothing but love and support. I’m jealous of your relationship as I’m sure most couples are.”
    “Ha! You’re single. You’re jealous because you don’t have a man.”
    “And fuck you for saying that ,” she mocked, emphasizing the word ‘that.’ Both of us laughed. “I’m serious, Jen. He loves you. A husband’s love. A lifetime love. He’ll be here when you get back.”
    Before I could stop it, I blurted, “What if I want him to go with me?”
    “What?!”
    “I mean, Jackie,” I hesitated feeling suddenly vulnerable, “what if I want him to go with me? We don’t have to be apart. I don’t have to miss him. We can just stay like we are.”
    “You!? The woman who won’t marry him? The woman who won’t commit? The woman who says, ‘let’s just let things happen naturally’ wants to package him up and ship him off to Germany with you? Well, now, isn’t this a twist?!”
    “Stop it,” my lips were tight. I wished I hadn’t said it. I wanted to inhale those words all back again.
    “I’m serious. You want to pack him up and take him with you because you’re afraid to lose him. You don’t want to share the experience with him, you want to drag him out there so you can keep an eye on him.”
    My eyes ran hot and bloodshot at her words. My lower lip trembled, “Jackie…”
    “C’mere, girl.” She drew me into a hug. “Have you talked to Ryan about it?”
    “I can’t. He tries but I keep delaying. I know it isn’t fair to ask him, but I don’t want to tell him I am going to Germany for sure. It feels so final. I am sure he knows. I mean, I’m not the kind to be without a job and the ability to be independent. And I’m too proud to ask him to support both of us while I sit home and do nothing. He has to know that Germany looms just ahead. But somehow, it feels like, if I tell him I’m going, then I am saying good-bye to him, to us. I want to ask him to go with me, but that seems so unfair now that he’s just gotten the promotion… and his family is here and all of his friends and Chris…”
    “Jesus, you’ve been fighting with this since Dullberth originally offered you the position, haven’t you?”
    I looked at my desk and smirked, suddenly interested in those papers we’d both been eyeing. “Maybe…”
    “Okay, that’s it. Dinner and drinks. Tonight. No excuses. You need a