Surrendered by LP Lovell Read Free Book Online Page A

have always had a difficult relationship. We’ve never been on the same page. I’ve always kept him at arm’s length, never quite letting him get close. Now though, I haven’t just let him get close, I’ve let him in. He sees me for what I am. How can two people who have had a largely sexual relationship, make it through all this shit? Fuck, after what I told him, he might not even want me like that anymore. Insecurities start to surface and I feel physically sick. Time to face the music. I wish I could muster some armour, but it’s blown to shit, shattered and irredeemable.
     

CHAPTER FOUR
    THEO
     
    I’m in the kitchen attempting to actually make food, when I hear the door downstairs shut, and Lilly’s heels tap across the wood flooring. It takes her a while to come upstairs.
    “Hey.” She says as she reaches the top of the stairs.
    I narrow my eyes at her. “Where have you been?”
    Her face becomes expressionless. “I went to the police station and then I went to see Molly. Why?” She approaches the breakfast bar. I meet her guarded eyes across the enormous marble slab.
    “I tried to call you, and then I called Molly, who said you left two hours ago.”
    She turns on me with a fierce expression. “Jesus, Theo, what are you my keeper? We’ve been back together five minutes. Do not act like you own me.”
    I stop what I’m doing and meet her glare. “What the fuck? I’m concerned for you.”
    “Yeah well, I don’t need your concern.” She snaps.
    “Oh no, you’re not doing that.”
    “Not doing what?”
    “The whole, ‘I don’t need you’, and I look after myself.” She says nothing, but if looks could kill… “Just stop. Put the claws away. I’m just asking.” I say calmly.
    “Well maybe if you didn’t interrogate me the moment I get here, then I won’t feel the need to scratch your eyes out.” She hisses. “I went for a drive. It’s been a tough few days. I needed…space.” She mumbles.
    I place my hands on the breakfast bar and drop my head forward. This was never going to be easy, but I had hoped that I would stop coming up against constant walls where she’s concerned. “Space from me?” I ask without looking at her.
    “No, I…I don’t know.” She mimics my stance, with her hands against the breakfast bar. She lets out an exasperated breath. “Look, I’m fine now.” She flashes a small smile as if to prove it. Tension radiates from her.
    “You sure?” I ask. Lilly’s default when it gets tough is to run. I want her to just stop for once, to realise that I’m on her side. She nods.
    Unconvinced, I move around the breakfast bar, closing the distance between us. I grab her, pulling her up against my chest. Her stance is still stiff and guarded.
    “I love you, sugar.” I murmur into her hair. Her muscles relax, as she softens into my hold. She’s like a cat, all predatory teeth and claws, but all she really wants is to be petted and loved. Not that I would ever fucking tell her that.
    “I’m sorry.” She whispers. “I just feel…different.” Her voice is laced with confusion.
    “Different?”
    She pulls her head away from my chest, her brilliant eyes glancing up at me. “We’re different now.” She’s right, things have changed.
    I remember the first time I ever saw her. She was beautiful, so sexy. She grabbed me by the balls, and she’s never fucking let go. I remember thinking that she was so unattainable, so untouchable. It’s only now, when her walls have crumbled around her, that I see just how untouchable she always was, even when she was telling me she loved me, there was always a wall between us. She was always protecting herself, protecting her secrets, just waiting for rejection. But I won’t reject her, not ever, and she knows it. She’s no longer protecting herself, and I see her. For her to trust me with that is huge. She’s right, we are different, because she is different. I can see it makes her unsure, uncomfortable even. I watch as