Surviving Regret by Megan Smith Read Free Book Online Page B

spread. Pressing forward, my erection dug into her. The newness, the anticipation, all of it sent a jolt through my body, a shiver I felt run down my spine. One I hadn’t felt in a while. We both gasped, her hands flew to my chest tugging at my tie and white dress shirt. I helped her out, my lips never breaking from hers.
    “I have a condom… ” I whispered, gasping for breath.
    Please don’t tell me to stop.
    Don’t.
    She didn’t say a word, her body started to shake. My hands fumbled to find the condom in my pocket but there wasn’t much hesitation on my part. She wasn’t stopping me either.
    Some rationality hit me then.
    Fuck. Stop, Landon. Don’t. Think of Macy. Think of Cash.
    My body wouldn’t listen though. I wanted this. A way to cope. A way to forget for a second. I wanted to fuck her. I wanted to feel something besides the everyday feeling and I was sure this was the answer.
    Madison’s body shook against me again. “Landon…” she pushed against my shoulders. I didn’t stop. Instead I pressed against her harder trying to make her see.
    There was a click in the distance; my head turned as I looked over my shoulder and stepped away.
    Alexa.
    Fuck!
    I was soaring but it quickly faded. I was burning until the ice water hit me. I was extraordinarily wrecked beyond forever. I was the blind man who crashed into everything without his walking stick. I lost the only little bit of light I had left of my shining star.
    Wrecked.
    Destroyed.
    Shattered.
    “Goddamn it!” I punched the wall and quickly pulled my pants up to go after Alexa. Madison followed behind me.
    We ruined everything that was barely holding us up anymore.
    Stepping out of the closet, we came face-t0-face with Alexa, Cash, and Macy. All was quiet for just a few seconds until it was so loud my ears felt like they were bleeding.
    “I NEVER want to see you again, Madison!” Macy’s voice echoed through the hallway. “You’re no longer my fucking sister.”
    My eyes settled on Macy’s when the severity of what we had done had set in. I’d broken her, what was left anyway. The tears streamed down her face, I did that. I put those tears in her eyes again. I thought that was the last straw with us. How much more could I break her? How many more times could I screw her life up? I looked down, my shirt was ripped and my tie was gone. My chin went to my chest, I fucked up royally, and I didn’t even have the balls to look her in the eyes. I didn’t mean to, I just wanted to forget for just a little bit. I saw that just those few minutes caused me to lose my light, my star, my last hope.
    I looked to Cash, he was shaking his head. He blinked and stared at me. I hated the look he gave me. I touched his girl. His. Not mine. Our friendship shifted again and not in a good way.
    Madison, who was standing beside me, took a deep breath; I could feel the trembling of her body from even a foot away. “We need to talk, Macy.”
    “No.” Macy snapped. “Actually, we don’t need to talk because we’ve done nothing but talk these past four months yet nothing has changed. Nothing!”
    Madison’s eyes flickered to Cash’s before she looked back to Macy. “I know, and I’m sorry! I know that I hurt you and I hate myself. Just tell me what I need to do. How can I fix this?”
    Macy stared at her sister, one of her best friends, before she said, “You can’t! You can’t fix anything you’ve done!”
    I slid down the wall I was leaning against, brought my knees up to my chest and dropped my head. Everything around me fell apart. I shut down, it was the only way.
    I’ve lost all control.
    I couldn’t deal any longer.
    I ripped those gutters off that perfect house. I tore the door off the hinges, broke the windows, and set the grass on fire. I ripped every pedal off that beautiful rose leaving it broken and ugly just like the house.
     
    She was right. We can’t fix anything we’ve done. Macy forgave me after that night as if it never happened.