Swimming Through Clouds (A YA Contemporary Novel) by Rajdeep Paulus Read Free Book Online Page A

slept, because I
remembered my dreams when I awoke. I dreamt of slaying a dragon, slicing a
snake, and beheading a rabid dog.
    When my alarm clock sounded, I jumped out of bed, wanting to
run to Mom’s room to see if she was okay, but Dad hadn’t left for work yet. The
scent of coffee didn’t permeate the air. I didn’t hear the morning news on the
kitchen TV. Something felt strange. Only after I started my morning routine and
read my list on the vanity while brushing my teeth did I understand. Partially.
Taped next to my note from Dad, Mom’s list stared back at me. Which meant...
    Guilt-riddled and heart heavy, I left for school with Jess,
but I walked through my day like a zombie. Each time I passed Jesse in the
school halls, a glance between us said it all: we only had each other. When the
last bell rang, just before walking home, I pulled Jess into a stairwell alcove
(away from student traffic), dropped my books, and held onto him for dear life.
As I wept hard into my brother’s shoulder, the sound of his grinding teeth
grated in my ears.
    Terrified to face Dad, yet unable to abandon Mom, we marched
home, the weight of textbooks on my back feeling heavier than ever. How
long did he plan to leave her in there? Always
aware of the hourglass, we picked up the pace and ran the last block, resolved
to never allow Dad to break our bond. We built a wall around us. No matter how
many times Dad knocked down, we vowed to rebuild and rebuild. Right now, we
needed to get to Mom and let her know. We’d help her rebuild as soon as Dad let
her out. Maybe, just maybe, she was already out. We didn’t realize that even
when he released her, she would stay stuck inside—trapped in her
hopelessness like a fly caught in a web.
    When I unlocked the front door, Jesse ran past me, up the
stairs, to Mom and Dad’s bedroom. I walked into the house, listening for Mom’s
footsteps somewhere around the house. Nothing. Jesse banged on the closet door.
“Mom? Are you in there? Are you all right?”
    I darted upstairs to join him. The stench of urine and feces
and vomit permeated the room.
    “Mom?” I repeated his words. “Mom, are you in there? Mom!
Talk to us. Dad’s not home yet. Are you okay?”
    “Mom!” Jesse pleaded again. “Please talk to us. We just want
to know that you’re alive. Mom. Please. Say. Something.”
    Then we heard her faint voice. She said the same two words
she had been saying all night. “I’m…sorry.”
    I started crying again. What a lie! She had done nothing wrong. And she sat
in jail.
    “Mom, I love you. We love you, Mom. We love you,” I said at
first and then Jesse said the words with me.
    “I’m…sorry.” Her faint whisper came again.  
    “I’m sorry too, Mom.” I put my lips near the door. “I’m
sorry we can’t get you out. I’m sorry Dad is so mean. I’m sorry we’re too
little to fix this. I’m sorry we can’t save you.”
    And that was all we had time for. Our lists called our names
while passing minutes taunted us. Dad left Mom in the closet for two days. Two
whole days. Two of the longest days of my life. I feared she would die in
there. I begged Dad to let her out with all the pleas a twelve-year-old could
muster.
    I made all kinds of promises to him. From me. From Jess.
From Mom. “We’ll be perfect, better than perfect for you, if you would just let
her out.”
    Nothing. Not even a hint of bending. Then, on the evening of
the second day, I think the stench of bodily fluids overtook him and a number
eleven appeared on my list that evening to clean the closest.
    Shortly before 8:00 p.m., Dad walked into my room and tossed
a key on my desk while I finished my homework. “I’m running out to do
groceries. Make sure the house and your mother are cleaned up before I get
back.”
    I sprinted to tell Jesse, and we raced back to Mom’s room to
unlock the closet. I promised myself that I would not let her see anything
negative in my eyes. I knew that my response would either