Taking the Lead: Lessons From a Life in Motion by Derek Hough Read Free Book Online Page B

dance coach asked why I had missed rehearsal, I gave them all attitude. Wasn’t that what kids from broken homes did? Wasn’t it now my job to be a wise-ass screw-up? It became my new identity for several months until a couple of people finally talked some sense into me and reminded me who I really was.
    Those amazing people were Corky and Shirley Ballas.
    LEADING LESSONS
    You become the person you think you are .
    In a matter of weeks after my parents announced their divorce, I underwent a total personality transformation. I was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: a new Derek took over. I assumed I was bad news—the boy from the broken family—so that is who I became. I see now that this was my coping mechanism; the only way I could deal with the pain and loss was to become someone else, someone tougher who didn’t care about anything. It was denial and it was lashing out. I knew my parents would be upset and disappointed if I got into trouble. On some level, it was payback. But what I see now is an important lesson: our thoughts have great power. If I believe I am strong, smart, capable, then I become those qualities. Sometimes you find yourself in the center of a raging storm. Will you run away, duck for cover, or stand tall and weather it? The divorce was the end of the world as I knew it, and I assumed I was collateral damage. But who was I hurting? My parents or myself?
    I like to remind myself of this story: A man with two sons commits a crime and goes to jail for life. One son grows up to be successful and happy with a wife and family; the other ends up a criminal and in jail. When an interviewer asks each one how they wound up where they are, they have the same reply: “How could I NOT be where I am with a father like mine?” Same experience, same father, but each son found a different meaning and purpose in what they went through.
    I won’t say the divorce was easy on any of us. But now I look back on it as the beginning of my growing up and making the right choices. Because of it, I eventually threw myself into dance and traveled all around the world. Had the divorce not happened, had I not been so troubled by it, I’m not sure I would have ever recognized my opportunity to succeed.
    Fast-forward fifteen years, and I wouldn’t have things any other way. The divorce was the moment that defined my entire family, as a whole and as individuals. My mom is more independent and strong because of the divorce, and my dad is a better man because of it—more compassionate and loving. So much good has come from it. I also understand it so much better. As human beings, no matter where we’re from or what color we are, we’re all struggling with the same needs. We all want to feel connected—to God, to our work, to our parents, to our loved ones. We need to meet those needs. In my parents’ marriage, that was no longer happening, so my mom had to move on. I see now it was not just her right, but her obligation to herself. And I would never hold that against anyone.
    There’s no point in pointing a finger .
    Blame is useless. At first, yes, I did a hold a grudge against my mother. At the time, in my mind, she broke up the Hough family; she set the wheels in motion by leaving my father. I was hurt and I was angry and I needed to dump that all somewhere. But if I’m going to blame her for splintering the family, then I also have to give her credit for the good that came from it. Because of the divorce, I am a more compassionate person. Because of it, I learned how to love more deeply. Because of it, I grew into the man I am today. My mom is the most caring, loving, amazing woman on the planet. Nobody has a bigger heart than she does. So the blame was misplaced; it often is. We blame others when we feel control slipping through our fingertips, or when we think we are in the wrong and it feels better to pin it on someone else. In my case, the rug was pulled out from under me and I was struggling to make sense of it. Mom was