Tell Me It's Real by TJ Klune Read Free Book Online Page A

shyness returning in full force. “No, thank you,” I mumbled.
    “Paul,” she said, taking a menacing step forward in her red vinyl platform boots.
    “Just drop it,” I said, not looking at her. “It wasn’t like that.”
    “And how do you know that?”
    I was getting mad again. Meaning I was getting whiny again. “Because guys like that don’t go for guys like me. It was a fluke. A joke. And even if it wasn’t, the lights probably played tricks on him, making him see something I’m not.”
    “Paul….”
    “No, Sandy,” I snapped at him, breaking one of the cardinal rules of drag: in costume, she is Helena and she is a lady. But I was too pissed to care. I could see through the makeup to the guy who’d been my best friend for as long as I could remember, and it was him I was pissed at. “I’m sick and tired of you trying to change me. Why can’t you just let me be? I like the way I am.” Okay, that last might have been a bit of a lie. “I’m sorry if you don’t, but that’s not my problem.”
    His eyes flashed angrily at me, but then he seemed to deflate. “Oh, baby doll,” he said. “I think you are perfect just the way you are. I just want others to be able to see how perfect you are too.”
    I refused to look at him.
    “Go down with me?” he— she —asked quietly. “I’ll buy you a frou-frou drink that comes with an umbrella in it.”
    “I think I’m going to stay up here for a bit,” I said. “Keep Charlie company.”
    She sighed and stood up straight, becoming full-on queen and angry again. “Fine. You stay up here, locked in your fucking ivory princess tower. I’m done trying to help you.”
    “I never asked for your help,” I reminded her. “You tried to do it anyway. If I’m so good the way I am, then why are you trying to help me do anything ?”
    She didn’t say another word and pushed past me, stomping down the stairs as loudly as she could. Even above the dance music that had started to play, I could hear the door slam.
    “Boy…,” Charlie said, shaking his head.
    “Not in the mood, Daddy,” I grumbled at him. I pulled my chair off to side and in the shadows so I could still see down onto the floor but no one could see me. Eventually, the floor filled again and people started dancing. Mr. Nice Thought While It Lasted came in with his friends. I couldn’t help but notice how he seemed to be looking for someone and would glance up at the balcony every now and then. I started to get this weird warm feeling in my stomach again, but it was gone the moment some big, muscley bear-looking dude came up and started rubbing up on him. He had a spark in his eye as Bear Dude leaned over and whispered something in his ear. He tipped his head back and laughed, and they started dancing all sexy-like, Bear Dude getting a nice handful of his ass as they moved. I looked away.
    Charlie sighed but didn’t say a word.
    Happy thirtieth birthday to me.

Chapter 3
    Dear God: Fuck You
     
     
    T HE next day, Sunday, I awoke in my own bed. Alone, of course.
    Well, not completely alone. When I first got Wheels, I’d built this ramp thing that led up to the bed from the floor so Wheels could get up whenever he wanted to. It took him a while to get used to it, and his wheels squeaked when he was climbing up the ramp, but it was better than waking up in the middle of the night because he was trying to jump on his wheels to get onto the bed.
    So I opened my eyes, not even remotely hungover, remembering I was now thirty, in a fight with my best friend, and had probably missed meeting the man who would undoubtedly be the love my life but was now probably waking up in Bear Dude’s bed, all because I was a gigantic vagina. Not that he’d actually been looking at me seriously.
    Blargh.
    “You still love me?” I asked Wheels, reaching up to scratch behind his ears, his tongue lolling out in that way he does when he knows he’s going to get his scratch on.
    In books and movies, when asked a