Terrorscape
see
through her, past the carefully constructed veneer of
normality to her dark and secret twisted inner-self.
Freak .
    She had been called that, among other things. Psycho and whore had been other fall-backs, because
when there was no one to blame, people often turned
to the victims themselves for scapegoating.
    Men called her up, asking her if she liked to fuck
the killers and then threatened to rape her. Women
asked her why she didn't do the right thing—the
christian thing—and kill herself. “Jesus may have
died for our sins,” one woman had said, “but you
deserve to die for yours.”
    Anxiety dug its twisted talons into her heart and
made her palms sweat. Nobody is thinking that. Nobody
here knows who you are . She took a long swig of soda
and almost choked on its cloying sweetness.
God, where was Mary? She didn't want to be left
alone with her thoughts.
    Val looked around but the black girl was nowhere
to be seen. She sat at the table staring at her mostly
untouched food and wondered if Mary had changed
her mind at the last minute. Maybe she secretly
resented being stuck with such a weird roommate,
and was having second thoughts about an invitation
only offered in sympathy.
    Or maybe she was annoyed at Val for ducking out
of the residential meeting. Maybe she was like those
stupid RAs and thought that everyone in Otoño ought
to be having group hugs while saying their nightly
kumbayas. She did have a unicorn on her bed, after
all. She could have been one of the Old Navy Pod
People.
Maybe she had already filed for a room transfer.
    Val poked at the salad with the prongs of her
fork. Her stomach cramped, and she sucked in her
gut to loosen the pressure of her jeans against her
belly. The antidepressants had made her gain weight,
and none of her clothes fit quite right anymore.
    Just another thing to be bitter about. One of many.
“ There you are.”
    Mary had her lunch tray balanced on one arm.
The other was wrapped around the bulky forearm of
a tall, blonde boy who looked like a walking headline
for bad news. There was a shorter girl, too, with spiky
hair, and—Val blanched—the strange red-haired boy
from the residential meeting who had spoken to her,
bewilderingly, in Latin.
Jude . No, not Jude—Jade.
    “This is Alex,” Mary said, stroking the blonde
boy's bicep. “We went to high school together.”
“H-hello.”
    Alex gave her a measured look before offering his
hand. Reluctantly, she took it, noting as she did that
he had both a class ring and a tribal tattoo.
Marks of the douchebag , she thought, uncharitably.
    “This is Meredith,” Mary went on, pointing to the
short Asian girl with the lip piercing. “She was in my
orientation group.”
    Meredith was on the phone but she nodded and
managed to give a semblance of a friendly smile. Her
tongue, as it turned out, was pierced, too.
Hipster, with punk influence. Probably a goth in
high school. One of those social trend-setter types. Mary and Meredith .
    Val opened her mouth to point out this silly
coincidence with a short burst of childish delight, but
the moment had passed and she sank back against her
chair again as Mary continued, “And this is Jaden.”
Pointing at him, casually, as his blue eyes flared in
recognition. “Everyone—Valerie. Val. My roommate.
She's really shy and stuff, so don't scare her, okay?”
“I remember you,” Jade said. “You were at the
ice-breaker. Except I think I did scare you.”
    She cringed, wondering if he was going to bring
up the incident at the resident check-in, but to her
relief he didn't. Maybe he'd forgotten.
    Something like that? Doubtful .
“Yeah,” Val said.
“Californ-ya-ya.”
“Please,” said Val. “Don't.”
James had loved that song. It played at one of his
games once, during half-time, at his request.
    “You're from California? That's a way's away.”
She faced Jade, looking a little hurt for a moment.
“How did you manage to find that out?”
“Ice-breaker,” Jade said, blandly.
    “

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