I don’t have a phone, and two, relationships are entirely not on my agenda, ever.
“O to the M to the G! Do you totally know who you just served coffee to?” A high-pitched voice echoes through the small hut.
“Calm down, Jenni,” I hear Danielle scold.
Turing around to face the back door, I see Danielle standing with a girl about my age. She’s a platinum blonde and sparkled out to the max. She’s almost blinding to look at. Her skin is so tan and her hair is so light that I find myself staring at the odd combination on her. She doesn’t give me long to analyze her before she’s bounding across my workspace to talk again.
“Seriously, do you know who you just served up?”
Her question makes me giggle. I think it’s more the tone of her voice and her facial expressions.
“Um, no,” I reply, hoping she doesn’t have a heart attack.
She’d really die if she knew the driver’s phone number was mere inches from her right leg burning a hole in the trash can.
“Jenni, settle down. I brought you out here to meet Oakley. She’s the new girl. You two are about the same age, and I know you don’t have any friends or family here, Oakley.”
“That was a truck full of hot effin’ football players for CSU. They’re all back in town for training camps and shit like that. I’ve seen girls strip naked for those boys in public, and you just served them coffee.”
I notice Danielle shaking her head out of the corner of my eye. I know it’s my turn to say something, but have absolutely no idea what to say.
“I see,” is all I can come up with.
My response doesn’t stop her from going into another verbal convulsion.
“OMG, you’re like the new girl, Oakley, and you’re working here.”
“Um, yes,” I mumble.
“My name is Jenni, and it’s nice to meet you.”
Manners dictate I reply, “You, too.”
“Holy shit,” she squeals, “We are Jenni and Oakley! That’s so catchy.”
“Well, I’ll let you two talk for a bit,” Danielle says.
My eyes must be playing a trick on me, because they watch as Danielle leaves Jenni behind the coffee shop. What am I supposed to do with her? Awkward just got amped to a whole new level.
“So, what’s your story?” she asks.
“Oh, it’s a boring one, trust me.”
“That’s no fun. Did my aunt tell you, I’m going to beauty school just down the road?”
“No, she hasn’t.”
“I swear she’s so self-absorbed all the time. She only worries about her business and making money. Totes drives me wild.”
“Well, to be fair, she is a really hard worker. I love working for her.”
She finally takes a seat on an empty part of the counter and continues to blab on forever. Finally, when I feel the blood draining from my ears, I’m ready to wave a surrender flag.
“OMG, I’ve been going on and on about me and all my friends. What do you do for fun?”
I heave a mental sigh. “I work. Just trying to make a living.”
“So, you don’t go dancing or partying?”
I shake my head.
“Camping with friends, shopping at the mall, or play miniature golf?”
I shake my head again and wonder how many more things she’ll run by me before she gives up.
“Day spa, lunch dates?”
“Nothing,” I reply, hoping she’ll get a fucking clue.
“Boys? Dates? Pedicures? Facebook? Insta?”
She’s officially Captain Oblivious, totally unable to take a hint.
“Nothing, I’m a loser. Pathetic, I know. I work. I go home. I wake up. I go to work again, then I go home again,” I say very slowly, dragging out each word.
Her happy, bubbly face immediately drops, her jaw all but hitting the floor, and she says, “You really are a loser.”
Eureka! Einstein finally solved the equation.
“Well, don’t worry about that. I’ll be around the rest of the summer since I enrolled in beauty school. We can totally be like BFFs.”
Oh, sweet baby Jesus, she may be the dumbest person I’ve met to date. I’ve known my fair share of airheads and valley girls,